Of pointy swords and scaffolding

'But as health and safety courses go it was really interesting,' continued Lefty.


'Well glad I sent you on it then!' replied Flossie, 'and the posters?'


'Mostly about running with swords. I'm afraid they've tightened things up again!'


At this moment Hooky tapped several times on the grass.


'Well,' replied Lefty, 'it now covers swords, daggers, forks including cake forks and skewers.'


'Doesn't leave a lot!' said Flossie dispiritedly.


'I had a word with mum,' replied Lefty, 'she's got some long handled spoons in a draw somewhere.'


'Not the same though is it!' said Flossie. 'Boarding an enemy vessel, swinging across on a rope with a long handled spoon clenched between your gnashers.'


'Ah!' said Lefty. 'Glad you mentioned that. Rope's out!'


'Out!' bleated Flossie.


'Out!' confirmed Lefty. 'From now on boarding can only be carried out using properly erected scaffolding. There's a list of approved contractors somewhere?'


'Scaffolding!' exclaimed Flossie. 'How long is that going to take?'


'Erm, I did a few calculations, 'replied Lefty, 'I recon, if it all goes well, weather allowing, everything turns up on time, early starts etc, etc...about 3 days...and then you have to get it signed off...they send an inspector around.'


'They're taking all the fun out of it! cried Flossie.


'Won't really matter anyway,' replied Lefty, 'as from next year we have to give 14 days notice before we can attack..in writing!'


'Hardly seems worth it anymore!' said Flossie.


And Hooky tapped in agreement.