Cow Island

'That has got to be the biggest stapler I have ever seen!' Norma exclaimed. 'I had to have it made to order,' Bertha replied. 'I would have made it myself but my welding equipment's broken. Now, if you and Horace could stand by on the ropes until I say when.' So Norma and Horace stood ready until Bertha shouted 'Now!' and then they pulled with all their might, which in Horace's case wasn't an awful lot, and the stapler slid graciously out of the shipping container.  'Can I go now?' Horace asked. Norma's horns fell. 'I thought, she said, 'that we'd agreed to have lunch together?' 'It's just,' Horace replied, 'after you told me about Captain Bill's marquee, I thought I might go and stand in it for a while.' 'Why?' Norma asked. 'It sounds depressing,' Horace replied. 'But,' Norma began, but she could see that Horace had a point. '.............if y...

'Right,' Cyril mooed, 'Round 73, spoons ready?' Annie waved her spoon. 'Is that hallmarked?' Cyril asked. 'No, it's mine,' Annie replied and she did a little dance. 'Brilliant!' Cyril said. 'Now, can I just remind contestants of the rules.' 'Are there rules?' Annie asked. 'I'm not sure,' Cyril replied. 'I'll check the rules.' So Cyril checked the rules and there were rules so he read them out. 'One, all the trifle must be eaten. Two, climbing inside the bowl to get to the tricky bits is allowed. Three, eating the bowl is allowed. Four, eating everything else is allowed and Five, Cyril is the winner. Annie herded very close to Cyril. 'That all sounds fair to me,' she said. And Cyril kissed her on the nose. 'Tickles!' Annie giggled and she did another little dance and Geraldine joined in. 'Brilliant deux!' Cyril said and then he picked up an extra ...

Captain Bill stood behind the collapsed collapsible table. So,' he began, 'as you all know, our island has for many years been the home of the World's most successful rope museum.' Norma raised her hoof. 'Are there any others?' she asked, because she thought it might be nice to show an interest. '.....................Probably?' Captain Bill replied. 'I mean, it stands to reason, given the overwhelming popularity of the subject, but ours is the biggest and the best, which brings me rather neatly to the subject in hand. Due to the unprecedented volume of visitors it's become apparent that a new visitors centre is urgently required and so this is your chance to invest!' Here Captain Bill paused and shuffled his clipboard. '.............................................................Is that it?' Norma asked after a while. 'You need to know more?'  'Well,' Norma said. 'I've got an architect...

Captain Bill stood behind the collapsible table. Norma sat in front doing her best to be a crowd. 'I'd like to begin,' Captain Bill began, 'by congratulating you on having the wisdom to take advantage of this spectacular opportunity. You won't regret it!' Norma raised a hoof. 'What is it? she asked. 'The spectacular opportunity.' 'Excellent question!' Captain Bill replied. 'It's this!' And he picked up a clipboard from the collapsible table....which promptly collapsed. 'Hopeless!' he mooed. 'Absolutely hopeless!' Norma helped Captain Bill put the table up again...but it collapsed again. 'Where did you get it from?' Norma asked. 'It came with the marquee,' Captain Bill replied. 'Hmm,' Norma said. 'about the marquee, you know there are bits missing from the roof don't you? I noticed them earlier on.' 'Apparently it's part of the fire safety system...

'It's getting dark,' Captain Bill observed. 'So it is,' Norma replied. 'I'll give them 5 more minutes.' 'That's kind of you,' Norma suggested. Captain Bill nodded in agreement. 'I don't want them to miss out,' he finally replied. 'I really thought they'd want to be here.' 'I do know that Horace is too busy though,' Norma explained. 'He's got a poem that he's trying to finish.' 'Oh!' Captain Bill mooed. 'Struggling is he?' 'He said he's not feeling depressed enough to really tackle it,' Norma replied. 'And Cyril and Annie are having a 'Who can eat the most trifle' competition.' Captain Bill looked puzzled. 'Didn't they have that a couple of months ago?' he asked. 'It's the same one,' Norma replied. 'They're both very keen on winning.' 'Oh!' Captain Bill mooed for the second time. ...

The sun shone down, butterflies fluttered by, the long green grass waved in an almost regal fashion. Norma paused for a moment to drink it all in. A particularly pretty butterfly landed on her nose and then slowly, inch by inch, made its way up her face. 'Hello!' Norma mooed. The butterfly lazily opened and closed its wings in reply. Norma and the butterfly were as one. Rabbits hopped by. Flowers stretched out toward the sun. Worms placed out tiny deckchairs so they could take advantage of the warmth. There was for all concerned a brief period of near perfect peace and tranquility. 'You're here then!'  It was Captain Bill's voice that broke the silence. The butterfly took flight and the tranquility, which knew a thing or two about life, decided to leave with it. 'Yes,' Norma sighed. 'Sorry I'm so late.' 'Never mind,' Captain Bill replied, 'you're still first.' 'I thought I might be,' Norma said...