Cow Island

'But I thought you were taking them straight to the Pickled Heifer?' said Norma. 'It wasn't that easy to control,' Horace replied. 'It just kept moving. Some of them fell off. I got bruised.'  And Horace pointed with his tail at several large bruises. 'He's fine!' Bertha called out. 'I'm sure you will be,' Norma added. 'I'm a poet,' Horace replied. 'Even so,' said Norma, 'they are only bruises.' 'He'll be fine!' Bertha repeated. 'Anyway,' Norma continued, 'I thought Cyril was helping you? I sent him to.' 'He said 'left a bit' at one point but apart from that he just kept trying to sell me a t-shirt,' Horace replied. 'I told him I didn't need one.' Norma used up one of supply of sighs. 'Where is he now?' she asked. 'He said he was feeling peckish and wandered off.' Norma used another sigh and made a mental n...

'Hopeless!' said Captain Bill. 'Absolutely hopeless!' 'I just don't think it's deliberate,' Norma replied. 'Every single time!' Captain Bill continued. 'There's simply no respect!  'I just think she gets carried away,' said Norma. 'Hopefully by the next tide,' Captain Bill replied. 'A nd when they're together...' 'I concede it is worse when she's with Cyril.' 'And the next time we're in a life or death struggle with ferocious hostiles who will they turn to to save them with a heroic display of bravery?' 'Well?' said Norma. Captain Bill straightened his hat. 'So where is the walking dustbin?'  'I suggested he should go and help Horace and Bertha,' Norma replied. 'They're moving....some essential holiday items.' 'That'll be hats will it?' '...............................................Possibly! Bertha and I ha...

'Everybody's wearing them,' said Cyril. 'Well I'm not!' Captain Bill replied. 'Mr Sir Lord Cyril,' Annie called out. 'I think if I breath in we could get another t-shirt on.' 'See,' said Cyril. 'You're missing out.' 'It's the sort of missing out that I can deal with.' 'Even Geraldine's joined in,' Cyril added. 'She is an Pengiming!' mooed Annie . 'Got them in your size.' 'I remain uninterested.' 'Pengiming!' Annie shouted. 'Just the one?' Cyril suggested. 'No!' 'PENGIMING!' 'If you're doing that deliberately?' said Captain Bill. 'Perfect for your holiday wardrobe,' Cyril continued. 'Look,' Captain Bill replied, 'I'm not interested.' '...............................You know you've got a sack on your head?'  'I want it there.' 'A new t-shirt would s...

'You said 'a few',' said Horace. 'I'm sorry,' Norma replied. 'I admit there are a couple more than I thought there'd be. We tried to be as ruthless about it as we could.' 'It looks dangerous.' 'I think it'll be fine if you take it slowly. We've stacked them quite carefully.' Horace looked nervous.  'What if they fall?' 'They shouldn't,' Norma replied. 'They might.' 'Look, it's not far and they're light enough. They're only hats after all.' Horace took another look at, what to him, seemed a precarious stack. 'Do you want to push or pull?' he asked. 'Actually,' Norma replied, 'I've got to go...but Bertha's here to help.' 'GO!' mooed Horace. 'It's just,' Norma began, 'I think I aught to get to the beach, where we're all meeting. Only I have a feeling that Captain Bill and Cyril and Annie wi...

'........head completely stuck in it,' Norma concluded. 'If it would help I could stampede over and staple it permanently in place?' offered Bertha . 'I managed to get him free eventually,' Norma replied. 'At least so he can see where he's going.' 'Pity,' mooed Bertha. It's his stubbornness that I find so wearing,' Norma continued. 'It's his stupidity I've always had a problem with,' replied Bertha. Norma sighed. 'The sculpture's looking good,' she said to change the subject. 'Could be better.' 'Have you thought of a title for it yet?' 'Hmm,' said Bertha, 'I was toying with 'The lies that we tell others to hide our loneliness', but I'm not sure that's pretentious enough.' 'And you're safe up there?' 'I've fallen off a couple of times but it's only scratches and bruises.' 'There's no point in askin...

'So, that's everyone asked apart from Bertha.' 'And how is Madame Shouty?' Captain Bill asked. 'I do wish you wouldn't,' Norma replied, 'and she's fine as far as I know. I'm off to see her next.' 'Do give her my antipathy.' 'Couldn't you make just some effort to get along with her?' Norma asked. 'I do,' Captain Bill replied. 'But you haven't spoken to her for months now.' 'Works for me!' said Captain Bill. Norma's horns slumped just a little. 'Well, after I've seen her I thought we should all get together and decide where we want to go.' 'You mean a meeting?' said Captain Bill. 'Yes,' Norma replied. 'Down on the beach.' 'Oh joy!' And Norma's horns slumped a little more. 'I'll be getting along then,' she said and she went to move away. 'Before I go,' she added, 'and I don't want y...

'Then I thought I might be a larch but my horns are too wonky so I finally decided I was part oak, part beech and part custard tart.' 'Brilliant!' said Cyril. 'I think most people would choose to be a part oak, part beech, part custard tart tree if they could be.' 'Yippee!' mooed Annie and she did quite a long dance* 'So,' she continued, 'in an attempt to appear interested in the life of another person. How have you been spending your most valububble time?' 'Hmm,' Cyril replied. 'Well, I got hungry so I ate a big cake, then several more cakes, 18 dinners, 54 breakfasts and 1 light snack but that was just this morning and I seem to have become even more irresistible, because, let's face it, I'm gorgeous.' 'Truthful, interesting and caketastic!' mooed Annie. 'Always a pleasure,' Cyril replied. 'Now, could I interest you in a mug or a t-shirt? The perfect gift to yourself at the sta...

'I knew you'd be interested,' Captain Bill explained, 'as soon as I saw you heading this way.' 'But I wasn't heading this way,' Horace replied. 'I was going in a completely different direction when you shouted at me from at least half a mile away and told me to come over.' '....................................................Quibbling,' said Captain Bill. 'So, what do you think?' 'It's a sack full of old rope?' 'Exactly! Fancy lending me a hoof?' 'Are you throwing it away?' Horace asked. 'Away? No, no! I've just bought it.' 'Why?' 'Because it's rope...it's interesting...and it's not just rope, there's cord and some string as well.' 'And you've just bought it?' 'Yes!' 'With money?' 'Yes!' '.................................................................Would it be OK if I left now?' ...

'What lovely blossom,' said Norma. 'It's what we trees are all about at this time of year,' replied Annie. 'And you've got a nest!' 'Geraldine made it for me out of some old hoof mittens.' 'And you've added a bird box.' 'Fish box,' Annie corrected. 'Hmm,' mused Norma, 'I'm not sure a fish would be able to get up there?' 'That's why I added the ladder,' mooed Annie. 'You seem to have thought of everything.' 'Ta!' said Annie and she did a little dance.* 'So,' Norma continued, 'I do so hope you're coming on holiday?' Annie thought for a while.......................................a long while actually......until Norma was forced to prod her with a knitting needle. 'Are trees allowed to take holidays?' 'I know of no law which stops them,' Norma replied, '...and Cyril will be going.' 'Ooooooooooooooooooooo...

'So you see,' Captain Bill explained, 'it's got an anticlockwise triple twist with a thread insert.' 'Lovely! So what would you use it for?' Norma asked. 'Well, you would have used it for tying parcels, erecting very small tents and kite flying.' 'And other things?' 'No,' Captain Bill replied, 'just those things. String laws used to be incredibly strict.' 'Whoever knew!' 'Fascinating isn't it?' 'Mmmmm,' said Norma, 'and I'd love to stay for another 2 hours but...' 'I could lend you a few books if you'd like?' 'It's just time,' Norma replied, 'and talking of time, it had occurred to me...' 'There's a great introduction here somewhere...' 'That's it's been a while......' 'This is it, 'Tie A Knot In It'.' 'Since we've been on holiday.' Captain Bill stopped and looked at No...

Norma herded gently down the slope; the soft Spring grass warm beneath her hooves. The clouds above her drifted gently by, then stopped, had a good look at Cow Island and decided it was best to drift on. A butterfly called Lionel rested lazily upon her tail hat. 'Hello,' she said. 'Mwello,' Captain Bill replied, because he had something in his mouth. 'It arrived then?' Captain Bill proffered the something in his mouth. Norma took it and read out aloud. 'From The Small Island Supply Company. Please find attached 1 sack, contents as agreed.' 'There could be some real gems in here,' said Captain Bill. Norma peered over Captain Bill's horns. 'So you really have spent money on old rope?' she asked. 'It's not just rope,' Captain Bill replied. 'There's string and cord and twine! All museum quality.' 'It must be difficult to contain your excitement?' Norma suggested. Captain Bill nodded....