Cow Island

The Cows were clearing the snow that had fallen onto Cow Island...it was rather a lot of snow...so the job wasn't going very quickly. And to add to the delay two particular individuals were having a rather difficult conversation. 'No, no, no' said Cyril, 'it's a common mistake!' 'Really?' said Captain Bill. 'Oh yes,' replied Cyril, 'it's called an optical illusion.' 'Really?' said Captain Bill. 'Mmm,' said Cyril. 'You see because I'm so much bigger than you my shovel looks smaller, but actually they're exactly the same size!' 'Really?' said Captain Bill, who was quite getting to like the sound of the word. 'Absolutely!' said Cyril. 'I'd be willing to swap!' suggested Captain Bill. 'Sorry,' replied Cyril,'family heirloom....it wouldn't feel right!' and he wandered away. Norma mentally added a couple of days to the job.

SNOWFLAKE Little Snowflake What did you see As you fell towards me Did you see my hopes Did you see my fears Are all these things To be viewed Did you see tomorrow Are there secrets Would you tell of them If I listen As you die In the warmth of the sun Will you speak Should I want to understand Is this all there is Thank you Horace

Hello everyone, Norma here! Are you all well? As you might have realised....we've had rather a lot of snow! But I'm sure it won't take us long to clear it....if we all work together....as a team! It can be occasions such as this that bring out the best in people.....anyway I'm making a start. The others will be along any minute now. They've all got shovels and Bertha has drawn up some sort of rota. And Horace is writing a poem! And Captain Bill is writing a rousing speech! And Cyril is............. I'd better get on.... Hope you all have a nice day. Norma

'I....' gasped Captain Bill, 'I.........I......................I......... ...............................I rather.......I rather thought..........I rather thought Bertha was tiring towards the end!' 'Possibly!' replied Norma. 'She.........she needs to.....she needs to work on her fitness!' 'Mmmm maybe!' said Norma and for a while she and Captain Bill stood and looked at the small hut that they had finally arrived at. 'It....it looks strangely familiar!' mooed Captain Bill. 'Yes,' replied Norma,'I think that the clue might be in the words on the flag.' Captain Bill took a good long look at the 'words'. They said 'Annie's Helter Skelter'. 'So,'said Captain Bill,'that would mean that this is....' '..Annie's Helter Skelter!' said Norma. 'Which would means that we're standing on....' '....the Pier!' said Norma. 'Which would mean they we're....' ...

Morning all, Bertha here, we've been walking in the snow! I think these situations need to met head on. Really, if you've got to do something it's best to get on with it and rise to the challenge. Being at the front means that you get to decide which route everyone will follow and that has allowed me to pick quite a difficult path. I've been able to take us through some very deep snow which has proved to be really testing! I can hear Captain Bill's breathing from a considerable distance! I'm sure it's doing him some good! : ) And if it isn't it's giving me a laugh! Right, once more around the top...and then maybe I'll take us off towards the little hut thing! Have fun! Bertha

'OK,' conceded Captain Bill, 'this is slightly more snow than I had expected.' 'I think this is a part of the ship!' said Horace and everyone went to have a look. 'Hmm, it could be,' said Norma, but it turned out to be a bit of Cyril. 'I can't help feeling that we've sort of arrived somewhere,' said Captain Bill,'it's just a sort of instinctive feeling that only comes from years of being a top class captain.' 'That feeling wouldn't have anything to do with that hut over there in the distance then?' asked Bertha. 'Possibly!' said Captain Bill. 'Best go and have a look at it then,' said Bertha and she headed off towards it. 'Excellent!' called out Captain Bill,'you go and have a quick look and I'll stay here and keep an eye on things!' Bertha turned and gave Captain Bill a 'look'. 'Or maybe I'll come along as well?' said Captain Bill,'I could do with a walk!...

Hellloooooooooooooooooo! Annie here! Has anyone seen the last few days? I don't know where they went! Possibly they fell overboard or maybe they're under the snow? Should I throw a lifebelt into the big blue wobbly thing just to be on the safe side? Will one lifebelt be enough? Can Tuesdays swim and if so, how far? Please write your answers onto something and then post it to me...and maybe include a nice picture of a Wednesday afternoon and a diagram of how to find it. Right, tired now...off for a nap! Annie PS Mr Ship still covered in snow...bit worried!

'SEE,'shouted Captain Bill through the snow storm,'I said it would ease off!' 'But you can't see a single bit of the ship!' mooed Norma,'and look at the mast!' 'It's always had a bit of a curve in it,' replied Captain Bill,'it helps to catch the wind.' 'But Bertha will fall out at this rate!' said Norma. 'DON'T WORRY ABOUT ME!' shouted Bertha from the Cows Nest. So Captain Bill didn't. 'Anyway,' he said,'you're all ignoring the most important point...we're still afloat!...that's better than a lot of previous occasions.' And everyone was forced to concede that that was true. 'Right,' said Captain Bill,'better get on I suppose!' 'But there's nothing to do!' exclaimed Norma,'we can't steer or navigate or put on sail or take off sail...we can't do anything...IT'S ALL COVERED IN SNOW!' And Captain Bill stopped and looked at Norma...becau...

'Well we could still turn around!' suggested Norma. 'Nonsense!' replied Captain Bill, 'it's only a light dusting!' 'But you can't see the deck anymore!' replied Norma, 'or the wheel......or Geraldine!' 'She's over there!' said Captain Bill and he pointed at Geraldine's upturned feet. Norma pulled Geraldine from out of the snow are set her up straight. 'I've told Cyril to be more careful,' she said, 'but he still insists on skiing everywhere.' 'Look,' said Captain Bill,'I'm sure we'll soon be home, just so long as we keep on going in this direction.' 'Which direction would that be?' asked Norma, who knew full well which direction it was. 'Not....' 'North?' said Norma as she finished Captain Bill's sentence. 'Well it's never let us down in the past,' replied Captain Bill. 'Anyway, I'm off to my cabin for a while...........actually whe...

You've missed him.....you've wondered where he was (no you have...he knows these things)...but now he's back... Iiiiiitttt'ssssssssssssssss CYRILLLLLL!!!!!!!!!! Morning my little chumlettes, are you well? Did you get my present? I'm sure I sent it! Anyway, I'm pleased to report that we're underway...and I thought I might do something useful to help.....then I thought again! I mean I'm Cyril! So I decided to turn the deck into a ski slope and fit in a bit of practice. Now when you're going out skiing it's most important to remember to have 17 good breakfasts before you start and possibly stop for a snackette or two before actually getting going. When skiing it's best to go in one direction at a time and don't worry too much about knocking people over... Right, I think I'm ready to go...although maybe I should have a quick something to nibble first? Hugs and smooches Cyril (your pal)

The Pickled Heifer sat in King Otto's Harbour, a heavy snow falling onto her decks. 'Right,' said Captain Bill,'everything going OK?' 'I think so,' replied Horace. 'Have we hauled up the heavy thing?' 'Cyril's onboard,' replied Horace. 'Any sign of pirate ships?' '127!' called down Bertha from the Cows Nest but Captain Bill ignored her. 'And have we spliced the main thing to the starboliarboliboard mizzan shank?' 'Possibly?' replied Horace. 'Excellent!' said Captain Bill,'which just leaves 1 question.' 'What's that?' asked Horace. 'Why aren't we going anywhere?' 'Erm,' said Norma, 'if I might suggest something.....the sails?' 'Oh honestly!' mooed Captain Bill,'can't you stop thinking about shopping for just 5 minutes?' So Norma wandered off along the deck and Captain Bill was able to give his full attention to working out why the sh...

Captain Bill, Norma, Annie, Bertha, Cyril and Horace and Geraldine stood quietly waiting in the snow. Eventually Captain Bill could wait no longer. 'So this is it is it?' he said, 'after everything that we've been through! Risking life and horn against...well quite a lot of things and you're the only one who's come to say goodbye!' 'Sorry,' replied Norman, 'I think Queen Phoebe's a bit busy at the moment...spot of bother with the press...and I can't stop for long, I've got to move all the snow before lunchtime.' Everyone said how grateful they were for Norman sparing the time and wished him well with clearing the snow. 'Well thanks again for bringing me back,' said Norman,'and good luck and if you should meet any lady elephants on your travels!' And Norma assured him that they would be the first to mention his name. So with that they all herded their way back down towards the Pickled Heifer and Norman waved to them...

'But,' said Captain Bill, 'but there's just...so much of it!' 'Oh, it's just a few bags,' replied Norma, who gave a little smile. 'But you can't even get to the steery thingy!' mooed Captain Bill. 'The wheel!' said Norma. 'That as well!' replied Captain Bill, 'can't you put it all in your cabin?' And Norma went a little pink. 'You've filled your entire cabin!' said Captain Bill. 'I'd prefer to say that I've explored all of the storage situations,' replied Norma. 'So you just want to leave them on deck?' said Captain Bill. 'I'll put them in a corner,' offered Norma. 'Hmm!' said Captain Bill,' anyway, is there anything else to do before we leave?' 'Well if you're sure you want to go?' replied Norma, 'only the weather doesn't look too good.' But Captain Bill was very sure. 'Well we just need to say a few 'goodbyes'then...

Hello everyone, Norma here! First of all, if it's not too late, can I just say a very happy new year to all of you. I do hope that you had a lovely time...Bertha tells me that I did! Anyway, back to today, I must confess that I have missed our little Saturday chats. You'll be pleased to hear that I got the curtains and a couple of other bargains as well...quite a few actually, but it's only once a year and it's all things that we need. So now we can get it all aboard and then set sail for home (I think Captain Bill's rather keen to get going). I must say it'll be nice to underway, although the weather does look to be blowing up a bit. Right I'd better be doing things. Hugs to you all! Norma

WAITING So the year has moved along And the hands have ticked their way Through the days and weeks and months And still I wait for you to say But you haven't said a thing But I want to make it clear That I'm the fool who'll wait my dear For yet another year And sometimes when you catch my eye There is a look I can't deny And I think you want to hear The words which form but disappear And because of that my dear You are the fool who'll wait another year And so we stumble on through time Pretending that the world is fine So we're the fools Who'll wait another year my dear We are the fools Who'll wait another year Thank you Horace

'What an earth is going on?' asked Captain Bill. 'Norma's buying something!' replied Bertha. Captain Bill stared at the scene before him. 'It's worse than a rugby scrum!' he declared after a while, 'we've got a week into the new year and already it's all gone to pot!' 'It's only because somebody else wants the same item as well,' said Bertha. 'So I see,' replied Captain Bill,'they're big fellows as well! I wouldn't be surprised if they were a rugby team.' 'Norma'll win!' said Bertha confidently. 'What is it anyway?' asked Captain Bill and Bertha lent forward to get a better look. 'Could be a duvet,' she replied,' or curtains!' 'Scurtuns!' called out Norma. 'CURTAINS!' mooed Captain Bill,'but we don't have any windows!' 'But there are portholes on the ship,' replied Bertha. 'Brilliant!' said Captain Bill,' I can see the ...

'GONE TO THE SALES!' shouted Captain Bill. 'Yes,' replied Horace, 'they said they won't be long.' 'But!' said Captain Bill,'...but........it's.......this........it's....but!' 'Norma said you'd understand,' added Horace, 'I think it's actually just Christmas presents that Queen Phoebe didn't really want, she selling them off cheaply.' 'Butwe'resupposedtobesailinghome!' mooed Captain Bill. 'Oh, I think they'll be quite happy to do that afterwards,' said Horace. 'Right, we'll see about this!' replied Captain Bill,'where are they?' 'Up near the castle,' said Horace. 'OK!,' said Captain Bill, 'you'd better come with me,' 'Oh, that's alright,' replied Horace, 'I've already had a good look around, I got some nice writing paper.' 'Wonderful!' said Captain Bill, 'how nice for you!' 'Oh, thank you!'...

Morning all, Captain Bill here. I blame myself you know! Seriously, I'm just too easy going. I guess I'm just the sort of Captain who thinks that the crew (Norma, maybe Bertha, let's be honest that's about it really) can be left to look after themselves. I was wrong! We could have been half way home by now! Here I am ready to get going and there's them trying to work out where the middle of last week went! As it is there would seem to be little chance of splicing a main...sail... deck, mizzen mast thingy before tomorrow morning. So this year it's going to be different! This year I'm afraid I'm going to have to wave the iron horn of discipline*. No more parties, no more shopping, no more...whatever else it is they get up to! This year I shall use all the knowledge and experience that I gained from Captain School to meld them into a top notch crew! Thank you Captain Bill *Just a figure of speech.

Norma decided that it would be best to talk to just one Captain Bill at a time and so she picked the middle one. 'Hello!' she said rather quietly. 'Ah!' replied Captain Bill,'at last!' 'Sorry?' said Norma. 'Nothing,' replied Captain Bill,'nothing at all....feeling OK are we?' 'Mmmm!' said Norma and she tried to move a little bit, but found that her legs were still tired from dancing. 'Enjoyed the party then?' asked Captain Bill. And Norma said she had very much enjoyed the party. 'Didn't over indulge?' asked Captain Bill. And Norma assured Captain Bill that she hadn't. 'It's a pity though,'she added,'there's all that build up to Christmas and then it's all over....still, there's New Year to look forward to!' And Captain Bill held up a small newspaper for Norma to see and pointed at the date on it. 'Crikey!' said Norma. 'Crikey indeed!' mooed Captain Bill and t...