Cow Island

Hello....bet you didn't expect this! It's me, your author aka The Great Pencil in the Sky. What am I doing here? Where are the Cows? Well now, as some of you will know, I've been writing about my little chums for quite a while now. Six blogs a week, each blog with it's own illustration. Last autumn I passed the 1,000 blog mark and I've had the most wonderful time in doing all of this. But the fact is it all takes time, about a day week, and truth be told I need a break and I'm afraid it's going to be rather a long one. I'm sorry to just be cutting it off, mid story, it wasn't my original intention it's just turned out that way. Let me assure you that both the Cows and me are fine, Annie is doing the washing up as I type this (there's water everywhere) and the rest are having their 5th breakfast. Will we all return at some future point? I think so, maybe towards the end of the year but I make no promises. So thank you for reading, I hope we...

'And so,' explained Norma, 'thanks to Annie's contact in the security industry...' At this point Annie herded across to Captain Bill and whispered at him. 'That's Mr Norman, he is an elephant you know.' Before turning and stampeding back to her position by a large notice board. '...who shall remain nameless...sort of,' continued Norma, 'we now have access to the latest advanced database of pirate sheep captains at large upon the high seas.' Captain Bill nervously opened his eye and looked at the pictures on the board. 'Rough lot,' he remarked. 'We could have them!' said Bertha. 'Now if you'll pay attention,' said Norma, 'from top left, Harry the Fleece, known grass stealer, has form for wandering off. Next, Little Eyepatch Sam, currently the only female pirate, how does she keep that fleece so curly? Then Flossie, more of him later. Then Tom...he doesn't seem to have a nickname and is currently thought ...

'So then she said it was all my fault and sacked me!' said Norman. Annie gave Norman a hug. 'Is that because you feel sorry for me or because you like hugging me?' asked Norman. 'A bit of both,' replied Annie and she gave Norman another hug. 'I said to her,' said Norman, 'I said, I couldn't be expected to be everywhere at once....but still, the fact is, at the end of the day, I'm no longer head of security.' Annie administered a third and fourth hug. 'So what now?' she asked. 'Just this part time gardening,' replied Norman, 'but it's not the same, the thrill has gone, let's face it there simply aren't as many life or death moments in the world of herbaceous borders.' Annie dug deep and found an unused pack of huglettes. 'So I was thinking,' continued Norman, 'maybe I should just quit and go undercover in a relentless pursuit of the criminal mastermind who perpetrated this heinous act of roya...

'No doubt about it,' said Norma, 'it's sheep's wool.' 'So Annie was wrong!' mooed Bertha. 'Indeed,' replied Norma, 'although I must say I'm not sure that giant carnivorous woolly stoats actually exist.' 'I was seeing it as a long shot,' said Bertha. 'I'll break the news to her as gently as I can,' replied Norma. 'And we'll have to tell the others as well,' added Bertha, '...including mon brave Capitaine.' 'I'll break the news to him as gently as I can,' said Norma. 'That's a role I'd be happy to take on,' replied Bertha. 'And just how gently would you do it?' asked Norma. Bertha smiled. 'That's what I thought,' said Norma. 'I think I just like watching him fall over,' replied Bertha. But Norma insisted that she would tell Captain Bill...but she did let Bertha watch from a distance.

'We found it stuck inside the penguin costume,' said Bertha. Captain Bill looked nervously at the object on the grass in front of him. 'It's a hat,' mooed Norma. 'Mmm,' said Captain Bill, 'I can see that.' 'Well you can pick it up if you want to,' said Bertha. '.......rather not,' replied Captain Bill. 'But it's only a tiny hat!' said Bertha. 'I know,' replied Captain Bill, 'but still...can't help finding it...slightly threatening.' 'Actually,' said Norma, 'just for once I find myself in agreement with our captain.' 'Crikey!' said Captain Bill. 'I probably won't be making a habit of it,' added Norma. 'Accepted,' said Captain Bill. Bertha looked from Norma to Captain Bill and back again. 'Well,' she said, 'if you find that worrying wait until you see what I found inside it.' And she held up a something. And Captain Bill fell over.

'Sorry about the squirrels,' bleated Lefty. 'Not your fault,' replied Flossie, 'my call, buck stops here.' 'It'd gone fine in training,' continued Lefty. 'Very true, very true,' replied Flossie, 'and if you don't try these things.' 'Good of you to see it that way,' said Lefty, 'but still....cancelled the rest of the programme.' 'Fair enough,' replied Flossie. 'And I've let the rabbits go,' said Lefty, '...in anticipation.' 'Could see you weren't happy about them,' replied Flossie. 'So that about wraps it up for the small vertebrate pirate training,' concluded Lefty, 'not one of our better ideas.' 'Best to move on,' replied Flossie, 'and at the end of the day...still got the crown!' 'Dave played a blinder,' said Lefty. 'Costume was made for him,' replied Flossie, 'and he still managed to look slightly threatening.' 'A...

'Is that.....?' asked Cyril. 'It's nesting,' replied Bertha. 'I'm fine about it!' said Captain Bill. 'And he looks all scratched,' added Cyril. 'Not now!' said Norma and she gave Cyril a smile. 'So what have you found?' 'Ta da!' said Cyril and he stepped back to reveal Geraldine and a something that looked completely unlike Geraldine. 'What is it?' asked Captain Bill. 'Well,' replied Cyril, 'I'm no expert in these things but it looks to me like a demented person's attempt at a penguin costume.' Everyone had a good look. 'It's not at all well made,' said Norma. 'Very poor,' agreed Bertha. 'In the cold harsh light of day I'd be forced to agree with you,' replied Cyril, 'but in the early hours of the morning, in the middle of an alcohol fuelled, post award ceremony, penguin filled party?' 'It becomes a veritable masterpiece of a disguise!' exclaim...

'But why is he......' 'He's stuck,' said Bertha. 'No I'm not!' mooed Captain Bill. Bertha mouthed 'He is' at Norma. 'I saw that!' said Captain Bill. Norma and Bertha ignored him. 'So did you find anything?' asked Norma. 'Not really,' replied Bertha. 'Fine,' said Norma, 'well at least you had a good look.' 'My hat got knocked off!' called out Captain Bill. 'Not by me!' replied Bertha. 'Perhaps I should have gone with him?' suggested Norma. Bertha shrugged her horns. 'So what's next?' she asked. 'That's why I came to find you,' replied Norma, 'Cyril wants us, he's found something. 'About time!' said Bertha and she herded off at speed. 'So are you stuck?' asked Norma. 'Little bit,' said Captain Bill.

'Well if you hadn't flicked that branch!' said Captain Bill. 'I didn't flick the branch,' replied Bertha. '...........................................................................................Did!' said Captain Bill. 'I'm behind you,' replied Bertha, 'how could I have flicked the branch?' 'You stumbled,' said Captain Bill. 'I'm warning you,' said Bertha, 'we both know how this is going to end, it won't be pretty.' 'Well the whole thing is pointless anyway,' mooed Captain Bill, 'we're not going to find a crown in here.' 'You said we should search in the bushes,' replied Bertha. 'Not this far!' said Captain Bill, 'how would it get this far in? Half a dozen trained squirrels with ropes couldn't have got it this far in.' 'We'll push on a bit further,' said Bertha. 'We will not!' said Captain Bill, 'we will retrieve mon chapeau and...

'No!' mooed Annie, 'No!....No!........Not that one.......No!' 'Hello!' said Norma. 'With you in a second,' replied Annie, '.......No!.....No!.....No!' 'Actually,' said Norma, 'I don't think you need to check under every blade of grass, crowns tend to be a bit bigger than that.' 'Are you sure?' asked Annie. 'Pretty certain,' replied Norma. 'Hmm,' mused Annie, 'what if I just looked under the taller ones?' 'Sounds like a sure fire winner to me,' replied Norma. 'I feel I've always scored rather highly on compromisabubbleability,' said Annie. 'I recon you have,' said Norma. 'And it'll save Geraldine's little wings getting too tired from holding the magnifying glass,' added Annie. 'Well considering her new found celebrity status we aught to take care of her,' replied Norma. Annie considered this. 'I could wrap her in newspaper and put a fragile ...

'Death, ruin, ruin, death, in the end are we not all lost?' 'And that was supposed to cheer me up was it?' said Queen Phoebe. 'I've got others,' replied Horace. And he waved a large sheaf of poems. 'Any limericks?' asked Queen Phoebe. 'Erm...not as such,' replied Horace. 'Probably give it a miss then,' said Queen Phoebe. 'I could massage your feet if you like?' suggested Horace. 'I do Norma's hooves sometimes if she's been out for a long walk.' Queen Phoebe looked at her feet. 'One can't help thinking there might be a degree of difference between royal toesies and Norma's hooves,' she said, '...with all due respect to Norma.' 'She has very delicate hooves,' remarked Horace, 'I have to be careful.' 'Hmm,' said Queen Phoebe, 'I guess I'm just not in the mood. It's surprising how losing an extremely expensive, solid gold, sentiment encrusted, royal type c...

'So,' said Bertha, 'the last Queen Phoebe remembers is doing a polka with Cyril and then waking up later on and finding that her crown had gone missing.' 'I knew it!' mooed Captain Bill. 'It's not Cyril!' said Norma. 'Wellll,' said Captain Bill, 'I shall reserve judgement...where is he anyway?' 'He's making sure that nobody notices Queen Phoebe is absent,' replied Bertha. 'We need to buy time to be able to work out what happened,' added Norma. 'She'll have dropped it somewhere,' said Captain Bill, 'we'll just have a look around in the bushes, it'll turn up.' 'I'm not so sure,' replied Norma, 'what we have to do is some thinking...and talking of such, anything yet?' 'Well,' said Annie, 'so far I can report one minor think.' 'Which is?' asked Bertha. 'That I like waggling my legs in the air,' replied Annie. 'Genius!' said Captain ...

'Oh!' sobbed Queen Phoebe. 'Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!' 'So you're upset then?' said Captain Bill. Norma hit Captain Bill. 'Of course she's upset!' 'Well haven't you got another one?' asked Captain Bill. 'Can't imagine that you're short of them. Last time I took a look around the castle it was like 'crowns 'r' us'! ' 'But it was One's best!' said Queen Phoebe. 'And it was given to her by King Otto,' added Norma. 'Ah!' said Captain Bill. 'Imagine it,' said Norma, 'your bestest crown, given to you as a gift by your beloved, your one and only, a token of his love and undying affection. Is it any wonder her majesty's upset? How an earth would you break the news? Just think of how he'll react!' 'More to the point,' said Queen Phoebe, 'just imagine how the press will react! I'll get a right duffing up and no mistake!' 'Right!' said Captain B...

'Psst!' said Norma. 'We're back!' 'Well about blooming time!' said a voice in the bushes. Norma beckoned Captain Bill closer. 'Look!' she said and pulled a branch to one side. Captain Bill looked in. 'It's Queen Phoebe,' said Norma. 'Yes,' replied Captain Bill, 'I thought it was.' 'Well?' said Norma. 'Well what?' replied Captain Bill. 'Well don't you notice anything strange about her?' 'Yes,' replied Captain Bill, 'she's sitting in the middle of a bush.' 'Beyond that!' said Norma. 'Some sort of tree?' replied Captain Bill. 'I meant beyond that fact that she's sitting in a bush!' mooed Norma. 'Er?' replied Captain Bill. Norma pulled the branch even further. 'Er?' said Captain Bill again. 'Oh honestly!' exclaimed Norma. 'Look!..........No crown!' 'Crikey!' said Captain Bill.

'Hello,' said Norma. 'Ah!' said Captain Bill. 'You've surfaced!' 'I would thank you if you could spare any remarks,' replied Norma. 'I'll try,' said Captain Bill. 'Most kind,' replied Norma. 'Now....' And here Norma slowly glanced around her before moving closer to Captain Bill. 'A crisis has arisen,' she whispered. 'Nothing new there then,' replied Captain Bill. 'Our specialist subject. So what is it? Cyril sold all the penguins into slavery? Annie confronted reality at last? Horace feeling a bit down? Not really a crisis that last one but still.' 'You're not helping,' said Norma. 'Not sure I was trying to,' replied Captain Bill. 'So what is it really? 'Can't say,' whispered Norma, '...for reasons that will become apparent...but if you wouldn't mind just walking this way?' 'If I could walk that way...' began Captain Bill, but Norma held up a h...

'OK!' said Horace, 'that's the pillow off, now to put your hat on.' 'Please be careful,' pleaded Norma. 'Of course I will,' replied Horace, '...if you can just tilt your head slightly?' 'I'd rather not,' said Norma. 'Well I can't lean over any further,' replied Horace. Norma moved her head...very, very slightly. 'I think it's really going to need to be more than that,' said Horace. And he tried to catch the hat onto one of Norma's horns. 'Ow!' said Norma. 'Sorry,' said Horace. 'Well just be careful!' mooed Norma. 'Look!' said Horace, 'It's not my fault! You could try to stop this from happening in the first place.' 'That's not fair,' replied Norma, 'I'm pretty sure I only had one drink at the awards and then one more later at the party.' 'Rubbish!' said Horace. 'You know what you were!' 'Psst!' said a voice from ...

'But don't you find it just a little depressing?' said Captain Bill. Cyril looked blankly back at him. 'Just the whole excess of it,' continued Captain Bill. 'They're just sleeping it off,' replied Cyril. 'But really!' said Captain Bill. 'They were only having fun,' replied Cyril, 'nobody got hurt.' Captain Bill sighed. 'I think it's embarrassing,' he said, 'and it's quite clear to me that you shouldn't try to mix penguins and alcohol.' 'Well you'd have trouble finding a cocktail shaker that was big enough,' replied Cyril. 'You have to make a joke about everything don't you!' mooed Captain Bill. 'Sorry,' replied Cyril, 'you're right, it's wrong to let them get this way. I'll promise never to let this happen again.' 'Really?' said Captain Bill. 'Really,' said Cyril, 'and from now on I'll try to take things more seriously.' ...

'Make way!' mooed Annie. 'Coming through....make way please!' 'Just how do you manage it?' whispered Norma. Annie stood still and had a think. 'Well, I just pick up the litter and place into Mr Sack,' she replied. 'That's not what I meant,' said Norma. '...as I suspect you know.' Annie giggled. 'I suppose I just have a higher bounce factor,' she said, 'and wonky horns.' 'So you can party all night and still race around at a squillion miles an hour the next day because of wonky horns?' 'It's a theory,' replied Annie, 'I challenge the world to prove me wrong.' 'The world is onto a loser,' said Horace. 'Quite possibly,' added Norma. 'So,' asked Annie, 'do you have anything you wish to dispose of?' 'Just the inside of my head,' replied Norma. Annie held the sack open. 'Tempting,' said Norma, 'so very, very tempting.' 'Well I can't w...