Cow Island

Morning all, Bertha here, still on duty! I have to say that it's a bit like being up in the Cows nest. Actually I'm not doing much life saving, but when you've been away for a while it's nice to have some time on your own. Anyway, I can see everything of things going on around the Island...which is fun! Horace is still down in the dunes or should that be dumps? He's writing away, I think those rejection letters have really inspired him, so we can look forward to reams of fresh poetry! Annie is still zooming around the Island....and over the Island...and over Cyril (I don't think he noticed) but don't worry, I'll keep an eye on her. Cyril himself is easy to spot from up here...actually he's easy to spot from down there as well! He looks a bit like an Ocean liner sailing slowly through a sea of green. And finally, down by the Pier, why it's Captain Bill and Norma! Now one might almost think from the way he was rushing around that there was somethin...

It's Thursday, He's here and he's inspecting his vast acreage..... Iiiiiiiiiiitttttttttttt'sssssssss CYRILLLLLLLLLLLLLLL! Morning Chums! And let's start by being honest, you've already made up your own jokes! Still I can take it, preferably accompanied by trifle. But on to the serious business (no really, even I have to be serious on the odd occasion). It's been some time since I've been able to take a trip around the old farm. So you'll be pleased to hear that all is looking fine. The grass vines are heading towards a bumper crop and the we may well be on for a record number of bottles. Chateau Cyril 2009 could be the best year yet! Of course this sort of thing doesn't happen on it's own and much hard work still needs to be done. Indeed every day for the next few weeks I shall need to come up here and sample a bit.....or a few bits....a couple of hoofulls at the most.and all in the name of making the best possible grass wine for my chums. Su...

'Well?' asked Captain Bill. Well? Well? Well?' 'Well, if you'd just give me a moment,' replied Norma. Norma and Captain Bill were still sitting on the beach below the pier. In an effort to get closer to the all important lettter, Captain Bill had climbed on top of some of the mail sacks and was harassing Norma. 'So what does it say?' he asked. 'I don't know yet,' replied Norma, 'I'm just looking at the stamp....I've not seen one like it before and there's something else.....I do believe it's perfume!' Captain Bill looked a bit....bemused. Finally Norma ran the envelope down one of her horns and then pulled out the letter. It was written on very good quality paper. 'Well?' said Captain Bill again. Norma gave a little 'Ahem' to clear her throat and then started to read out loud. 'It says, "Bonjour Capitaine Bile," I think that's just an error,' noted Norma, 'you don't spell C...

A rather dejected Captain Bill was sitting on the beach, just below the Cow Island pier. He was surrounded by a very large number of sacks of mail. On his head, a small crab scampered down to the end of his nose and dropped off onto the topmost letter. It had done this several times already, but Captain Bill was comforted by the thought that at least someone was having fun. 'Hello!' said Norma, who had just that moment arrived. 'Oh, hello!' replied Captain Bill and he gave Norma a rather weak smile. 'Looks like an awful lot of post,' she said cheerfully. 'Mmm,' replied Captain Bill, '15 sacks!' 'Wonderful!' said Norma. 'So, many bookings for the museum then?' 'Well, roughly speaking,' replied Captain Bill, 'without recounting them, I'd say about...zero!' 'Oh dear!" said Norma, 'so that would mean that all these would be...' '.....Horace's,' finished Captain Bill. '15 sacks.......

Hellloooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!* Annie here! Well I'm pretty sure that you were all bursting with excitmentables as much as I was, to find out what the Shrimps had been knitting while I was away. Well this is it!!!! Apart from a rather neat hat, they've managed, what I'm calling, a knitted, steam powered, hover thingy!!!! Not bad eh!?! And when you consider that I only left them with a pattern for a cardigan!....actually, while I think about it, I may see if I can get them to add some sleeves. Now Norma (my best friend) said that it wouldn't float! Sometimes Norma can be a bit of a sensible horns. But just 73 coats of varnish later and here we are! I think Geraldine likes it as well. Right, just once more around the Island and it's Helter Skelter time! Annie.....and Geraldine *Do you have a glut of summer 'o's? Remember, with care, 'o's can be frozen and then used up during the winter.

Morning all, Captain Bill here. I'm blogging today as I felt it would have maximum impact with all of you who are looking for a great day out! There's never been a better time to visit a Rope Museum. Rope is FUN! : ) Rope has been used for hundreds of years by Captains everywhere. Rope is FUN! : ) So why not come and find out for yourself....today! There, how did that sound? I'm thinking of maybe running a few adverts. I mean, I probably won't have to, I expect the level of interest to be pretty strong as it is. Also the merchandising was delivered while we were away. The postcards are great! I expect people will want to collect them as a set. Not quite so happy with the t-shirts though...they're a bit....shapeless! Still this is only the first batch and I only ordered 5000, so I could change after that. Right the next thing is to check through the mail and make a list of the block bookings. Oh, the busy life of a museum owner! Take care, I think Norma usually w...

SUMMER FRIEND Small world Rolled and smoothed Through Ocean depths Until today When here you sit Warmed and dried By summer's heat Until a zephyr breeze Lifts you Suspends you Then lets you fall Rest easy now Upon my hide And you and I Will sleeep this afternoon away A grain of sand and me Thank you Horace

Hello everyone, Norma here! I must say, it does seem a bit strange blogging during the week, but everyone else is busy so I said I'd do it. Well first of all, we're home! It didn't take long because Captain Bill stayed in his cabin most of the time, so Bertha and I were able to get on with things. So the Pickled Heifer AND the Mootilus are safely tied up in the harbour. Now after all our recent adventures, we all seem to have decided that a few weeks of relaxing would be a good thing. So as you can see, most of us are down on the beach. The East and West side of the Island is best at this time of year, so that's where we are. Bertha has put herself onto lifeguard duty, which is very kind of her, but I don't think she needs to keep warning Geraldine about the water! Annie has popped off to see what the shrimps have knitted while we were away. Horace has gone to find somewhere a bit sad, so he can write some poems and Captain Bill is at his Rope Museum....well he say...

Norma was standing very, very quietly on the deck of the Pickled Heifer. The very, very, quietly was interupted by the arrival of Captain Bill. 'Have you seen that?' he exclaimed and pointed with his tail towards his cabin door. In a manner approaching slow motion, Norma turned her head and looked. 'You know who's done that don't you!?' continued Captain Bill and Norma raised her eyes up to the rigging, turned a little pink and then opened her mouth to speak. 'One of King Otto's lot, that's who!' said Captain Bill and Norma closed her mouth again. 'And have you seen inside?' added Captain Bill. 'There are papers and maps and hats and things strewn all over the place! You can barely see the floor!' 'It was like that anyway!' called down Bertha from the Cows Nest, but Captain Bill ignored her. 'And another thing!' he mooed, 'There's a dirty great big scratch right down the side of the ship.' 'Well,...

'You are supposed to throw the cox in!' said Captain Bill. 'But she enjoys it!' replied Bertha. 'NO FUN!' mooed Norma in slightly too load a voice and then, to emphasize the point, she shook her head so much that she almost keeled over. 'And anyway,' added Bertha, 'you are not to be a grump!' 'NO GRUMPING!' mooed Norma and she shook her head again. 'No!' said Bertha. 'Because,' continued Norma, 'because............what are we talking about? Oh yes! Because we have won back the Mickled Peifer! Me and Bertha and Horace and...Annie and.......Geraldamin...who is a Pengi...mingy, Pengming, Pengimingymoooooooooo!.....knew I'd get it right in the end!' and so saying she fell over, slid down the bank and landed in the river next to Captain Bill. 'It's going to be like this for hours yet isn't it?' said Captain Bill 'Mooooooooooooooooooooo!' said Annie from inside the trophy by way of confirm...

Cyril and Captain Bill pushed their way through the crowds until they came to the river bank. All along its length for as far as the eye could see, there were people. Tall, short, fat, thin, all stood waiting and watching. 'There they are!' said Captain Bill and he pointed with his tail. Off in the distance they could just make out two boats sat low in the water and behind them another boat, the Steward's launch. And it was from the bow of the Steward's launch that a man rose slowly to his feet. A portly man with a red flag in his hands. 'Team Cow Island,' he began, 'Team Queen Jasmine, when I see that you are both straight and ready, I will start you thus... tension... go! Please ready yourselves.' And the man raised the flag above his head. 'Tension!' he said. 'They've gone!' called out Horace. 'What?' mooed Bertha. 'They didn't wait!' replied Horace and indeed it was true. Queen Jasmine's team hadn't wai...

'...And so sweet victory is ours assured After where we stuck our brassica!' In complete silence, Captain Bill folded the piece of paper with his poem on and placed it in the hat band of his boater. 'So is it time for our photo now?' whispered Annie. 'YES!' replied Norma, Bertha and Horace at the same time and, together with Geraldine, they turned and hurried off towards the river. 'See that?' said Captain Bill to Cyril as they watched the others herding off into the distance. 'They were too affected to speak!' 'One could hardly blame them,' replied Cyril and he and Captain Bill followed on behind the others. When they eventually caught them up they found the crew standing ready before the photographer. A rather overdressed man who was adjusting things under a black sheet. 'Right,' he said, 'all ready?' and the team nodded. There was a pause and then a flash and a bang. 'All done!' said the man and he handed Bertha...

Captain Bill sat quietly by the river bank. Next to him, laying in the grass, were a number of sheets of paper, which had been scrunched up and tossed to one side. Captain Bill sighed heavily, looked at the piece of paper that he was currently working on and crossed through the only word that was on it. It was at this point that he was interrupted. 'Morning,' said Cyril. 'Oh, hello!,' replied Captain Bill. 'So what's doing?' asked Cyril. A rather pained look passed across Captain Bill's face. ' If you must know, I'm trying to write a poem.' he said. 'OK!' replied Cyril. 'Well, the crew are all off training,' said Captain Bill, 'and Bertha said they didn't need me and I felt a bit... out of it. So then I thought, what they need is a good poem but Horace hasn't got the time... so I thought I'd give it a go.' 'OK!' replied Cyril. 'Only it's proving trickier than I thought!' continued...

It's Thursday! He's here! And you can barely contain yourselves! Itttt'sssssssssss CYRILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL (masses of applause, a child with a tear in it's eye and a swoon of young maidens) Morning Chums! Have you missed me? Silly question, of course! Now you'll find this difficult to believe (no you will, young Cyril can read you like a book) but the authorities are trying to stop me from helping out! ME!.............ME! ME! Have I done something wrong? Have I transgressed? Really, you make one mistake these days and they're all over you. So I'm restricted to just one little item... but fear not! (no really, knot that fear and throw it in a sack) for young Cyril is quite sure that his fellow shipmates are now fully trained and shall see themselves through to a weekend victory! I shall be there to cheer them on! Until then, Your innocent pal, Cyril

'CALL IT OFF!' exclaimed Queen Phoebe. 'Well you could if you wanted to,' replied Captain Bill. 'But you can't go having a Grand Royal Rowing Type Regatta and then not have a final race!' said Queen Phoebe. 'But there's not going to be a race anyway,' replied Captain Bill, 'not with Queen Jasmine's lot. They don't race people, they just hit them until they give in! It'll be sheer carnage - and what's more it's cheating and if there's one thing I can't stand it's cheating!' Queen Phoebe looked at Captain Bill. 'Well in that case,' she said, 'perhaps I'd better have a word with Cyril?' 'That's different,' replied Captain Bill, 'that's gamesmanship! He just offered a little assistance in his own unique way... he can't help it if he's not well up on the finer points of the rules.' 'Well it doesn't matter anyway,' said Queen Phoebe, 'there has t...

Morning all, Bertha here. Now it's quite clear to me that the only thing that we can do at this difficult time is to press ahead and get ourselves as fit as possible. It's alright for Captain Bill to wander off muttering something about 'having a word in her majesty's shell like' but we came here to win and that's what I intend for us to do! Simple discipline and hard work will see us through! Norma and I have upped the work rate. I told Horace to put away the poetry pencil and Annie will just have to try her best to be sensible for a few days... and Geraldine is swimming 8 lengths of the river before 4th breakfast - although she was doing that already! Which just goes to show what a keen little Penguin she is. I know you're all with us in spirit and if you want to join in with a few exercises then you'd be more than welcome. Right all together now: bend the knees, keep a straight back, get 2 of your best friends to stand on a pole... and lift, 1, 2, dow...

'Orrible!' mooed Captain Bill, 'absolutely horrible!' 'You're sure you didn't antagonalise them?' asked Bertha. 'Only by breathing,' replied Captain Bill, 'and I've a feeling they would have been happy to sort that out given half a chance! Huge they were! Six foot tall and as wide, knuckles scraping along the ground... and that was just the cox!' Captain Bill, Norma and Bertha were standing on the river bank bathed in some early morning Sun. Under the circumstances, the Sun had waived all fees. 'I mean,' continued Captain Bill, 'look what they did to me best jacket!' 'We could get it dry cleaned for you?' offered Bertha. 'I think it might be a bit beyond that!' snapped Captain Bill, 'and I lost me best boater.' 'Sorry,' said Norma. And for a while Norma and Bertha stood quietly by while Captain Bill huffed. 'We know it wasn't easy,' said Norma eventually, 'but the importa...

Really? Well, well, well... and do they actually rotate in the water? Really?! Well, well, well, it never even occurred to me but now you point it out I can see that it must have its advantages and I suppose if the odd fish gets impaled on the end it's just a bonus! Sorry? No, well maybe a bit later on, I prefer to take a dip towards the end of the day but thanks for the offer. It's seldom that one meets young ladies who are so willing to help out. Hmm? Oh, it's nothing really, you keep it, it was only an old hat... must be at least two weeks since I bought it and it looks so good there... up the end of your pole. And that one, no the one to the left of it... well in between that one and the big one on the right... the one shaped a bit like a giraffe playing a banjo. Really! Well I never thought that scars could be so interesting a subject. One could spend all day talking about them - especially when you've got as many as you have. No, you'd need to ask one of my la...

Afternoon all, Captain Bill here; glad to be back with you once again. Now of course, as you will no doubt have guessed, I was all in favour of rushing off to take a look at the other team. But then I thought, hang on a moment, wouldn't it be better if I delayed things for a day or two and allowed our chaps and chapesses to get in a bit more practise?! Perhaps even a week, two weeks, a month?! Sometimes a Captain has to put the crew first and leave aside his own desire to tackle the opposition head on! So I've spent the last couple of days sorting out a few personal details, you know the sort of thing: choice of coffin, who to leave the rope museum to, letters to be opened after the event etc, etc. Still things move on... ...would anyone else like to go? I wouldn't mind... they're nice people; you'd have a wonderful time... don't hesitate to get in touch... Bye, Captain Bill

Captain Bill took the pole and punted gently on down the river. Drenched in the warmth of a July sun, Norma and Bertha sat talking quietly between themselves. 'Ah!' said Captain Bill, 'this is the life!' 'Yes,' replied Bertha, 'but we do need to talk to you about the final of the Regatta.' 'Of course, of course,' said Captain Bill, 'you know I'd almost forgotten about it.' 'Well it's still going to happen,' said Bertha, 'and each must play their part.' 'There's going to be even more need for good research this time,' added Norma. 'I suppose you'll want to be doing that yourselves,' replied Captain Bill, 'or getting Cyril or Horace... or Geraldine to do it for you?' 'Well actually,' said Bertha, 'we thought you might like to, given who we face in the final.' 'Who do we face?' asked Captain Bill, 'in all the excitment I've forgotten to see who it is....

Hello everyone, Norma here, sorry for being a little late in doing my blog today but there's so much going on! The biggest thing of course is that we're through to the final of King Otto's Regatta. That means we only have to win one more race and we get our lovely ship back. We don't know who we're going to be racing yet but I'm sure that with all the hard work we're doing we can win! And what a lot of hard work it is! Bertha and I have decided that we need to go all out to get ourselves as fit as we can. That means no more cakes until AFTER '3rd dinner'! At least not the really fattening ones - small bite sized cakes are still allowed. Add to that our intensive rowing training and I think we can have a great team. Well I must get on, I don't want to be letting the side down. Enjoy the rest of your weekend, Norma

'Well I have to take my hat off to them,' said Captain Bill. 'Mwy agwee,' said Cyril. 'Did you see the bow wave they caused?' continued Captain Bill. 'It was huge! I'm completely soaked!' 'Muk me bwy swuprise,' replied Cyril. 'Sorry?' said Captain Bill. 'Took me by surprise,' said Cyril, who finally removed the snorkel he was wearing. 'I mean, ' said Captain Bill, 'I must be honest, when I saw the other lot I didn't think we stood a chance, but our crew fairly motored down the course!' 'Dedication!' replied Cyril. 'They must have been doing 25 knots at one point!' said Captain Bill. 'Did you see Horace trying to hold on?' 'Dedication,' replied Cyril. 'They didn't even stop when they got to the finish, just kept on going... they could be out at sea by now.' said Captain Bill. 'Dedication,' replied Cyril. 'You know I wouldn't be at all surprised if t...

It's Thursday! You've missed him! (no you have, Cyril knows more about you than you could possibly imagine). But now he's back... Iiiiiiittttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt'ssssssssssssss Cyrillllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll!!!!! Morning Chums! Now I'm not saying our team hasn't improved. Indeed they get better with every passing day. But I can't help suspecting that one or two members have become a bit... well, distracted. So for that reason and that reason alone, young Cyril has decided to lend a hoof to help our merry band of rowers through to the finals. Now you know me (you do, some of you even have my picture hanging on your very walls), I'm not the sort of bovine who'd do anything underhoof but underwater is a different thing entirely! So take a tip for your old pal and nip down the betting shop and have a monkey on Team Cow... it's a cert!* Your Pal, Cyril *All monies placed at your own risk, no refunds, other teams are available, picture...

Talk amongst yourselves... Thank you. Norma