Cow Island

Bertha and Annie, supervised by Geraldine, were VERY busy knitting. 'Right,'said Bertha,'that's got to the end of that row, what's next?' 'Hang on,' replied Annie,'I'll have a look......erm....it says...knit 3 squillion more rows!' Bertha put down her needles and looked at Annie. 'I don't suppose it would be worth asking where you got this pattern from?' she asked. 'It's freely adapted,' replied Annie. 'By?' asked Bertha. 'Me!' replied Annie. 'So what was it originally?' asked Bertha. 'Errrmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm?' said Annie,'.....a tea cosy!' 'A TEA COSY!' mooed Bertha. 'Well there wasn't much chance of finding a pattern for what we needed,' replied Annie,'so I improveamalised.' 'So just which bit are we doing now?' asked Bertha. '........................................................................The spout!' replied Annie an...

'Careful!' called out Cyril,'I almost spilt my drink!' 'Sorry,' replied Horace,'but you don't think perhaps you could lend a hoof for a while?' 'But you're forgetting I already have,' said Cyril. Horace looked puzzled. 'I supplied the wheels,' said Cyril,'I mean think how much more trouble it would be hauling the boat along if it wasn't on wheels!' Horace agreed that this was true. 'But if you got out of it it would be easier still,' he added. Cyril looked over the edge of the Mootilus and considered Horace's request. 'So you want me to walk?' he asked. 'Erm, I suppose so,' replied Horace,'it wouldn't be far.' Cyril thought a bit more. 'That would mean moving my legs' he pointed out,'I could end up losing weight!'. 'Oh yes!' replied Horace,'I hadn't thought of that!' So Horace went on pulling the Mootilus and Cyril very kindly gave...

'Well I can't honestly say that I could see it,' said Norma,'but Annie assured me that it was there!' 'Really?' asked Captain Bill. 'Oh yes!' replied Norma,'and she said the net was quite heavy so it must have been a very good thunk indeed!' 'Right,' said Captain Bill,'and so this is what you were 'thunking'?' 'That's right,' replied Norma, 'Annie drew it up for me. I'm quite excited really because I think thunk it should work and that means that we can go. I mean I don't thunk...or think that the regulations are so tight for this sort of thing so we don't...need.....a....properly appointed.......Captain.....sorry!' And Norma turned a bit pink. 'That's OK,' said Captain Bill,'but isn't it going to be a bit cramped?' 'But that's why it was such a good thunk,' replied Norma,'because I worked out a way of adding extra storage space.' ...

Hello! Now I know that someone yesterday was kind enough to suggest that this wouldn't be the best of ideas, but really when you need to have a really good thunk, there is nobody better to turn to than Annie. She's even made me up a bottle of 'thunking juice' to help the process! So while I'm hanging here I thought it might just tell you a little more about what was in Ms Camille's letter or as Annie put it 'recap on the plot'. It seems that Ms Camille's little students have been invited to take part in a top notch competition (with lots of lovely prizes) and she thought it would be nice if we were there to give them some support and also because it's taking place on the beach we could have a holiday at the same time. But because Captain Bill has failed his emergency Captainy review thing we can't go sailing the Pickled Heifer or the Mootilus so we don't seem to have a way of getting there, so I'm hanging upside down in ...

'Well of course I want to go,' said Bertha,'everyone will want to go, but I don't see how we can get there!' 'But we have to find a way!' replied Norma,'Camille has been so kind to invite us and her little students will be looking forward to it and we could treat it as a holiday and have such a fun time.' 'I know,' said Bertha,'but without a proper Captain we can't go sailing that far. I mean we could get away with sailing once around the island, but not a voyage on the high seas.' 'Perhaps we could hire a Captain?' suggested Norma, but Bertha pointed out that that would cost money...which they didn't have. So for a while Norma and Bertha stood in silence. Then they had a lay down in silence. Then they stood up again. 'Any ideas?' asked Norma. 'No!' replied Bertha,'I can't think of anything!' And that's when Norma had a thought...about thinking! Or was it a think about thou...

Norma and Captain Bill were taking a walk...there was a certain amount of discussion of recent events... 'I'm surprised I've got any hooves left at all!' said Captain Bill, not for the first time. 'But I'm sure you feel better for it!' replied Norma. And Captain Bill just stopped and looked at Norma. He was about to say something when, rather unexpectedly, a large bird carrying a bag landed on a post next to him. 'Hello, hello! What's this?' said Captain Bill. The bird took a letter from the bag and held it out towards them. 'It's a letter!' said Norma. 'Yesssssssssssssss?' replied Captain Bill,'bit odd! I thought our post normally arrived by fish?' 'Well perhaps he's on holiday?' replied Norma. And Captain Bill just nodded and looked at the bird. 'Aren't you going to take it from him?' asked Norma. 'Hmmmm?' replied Captain Bill,'maybe!' and he leaned a bit closer t...

BEES There are little bees That wander by That buzzer by And zubber by That often make Me wonder why I walk upon the ground They zwizzer by And fizzer by They seem to have Such fun that I Will simply have to Learn to fly Above this silly ground They zipper by And whizzer by Full of nectar Sweet to try From flowers that are Swaying by The buzzy wuzzy sound But it's not fun The bees all cry Our little lives are Passing by And we are driven Crazy by Our zibby zubby sound We stumble by And tumble by Working all day long They sigh So we can make The honey That we bottle By the pound So I'll no longer Wisher by That I could Buzz and whizzer by I clearly have things easy I shall stay upon the ground! Thank you Horace

'S'OK,' gasped Captain Bill,'you go on...leave me....I'll just lay here and nibble some bits of grass until I die...it won't be long now!' 'Oh, don't talk such rubbish!' replied Bertha,'we've not even got around the Island once yet!' 'Once!' mooed Captain Bill,'Once! You mean you want to go around more than once?' 'I was thinking at least twice,' replied Bertha and Captain Bill moaned. 'Not possible!' he said,'I'll have no hooves left by then.' 'Nonsense!' exclaimed Bertha,'now are you getting up or do I have to go and find a pointy stick?' 'Why do you hate me so?' asked Captain Bill. And Bertha reached up and took a large roll of paper that she had hidden in the sweat band that was around her horn. 'Oh, you didn't have to make a list!' said Captain Bill, but it was too late. 'One,' began Bertha,'you give up too easily. Two, you pr...

'Exercise????' mooed Captain Bill. 'Yes!' said Norma,'it's good for you and it'll make you feel better about yourself.' 'But I'm quite happy with myself already!' replied Captain Bill,'mostly.' 'Then it's the 'mostly' that we need to work on,' said Norma,'and I'm sure it'll help you in lots of other ways. It'll be good for concentration and coordination and alertness and so, so much more!' Captain Bill looked from Norma to Bertha and back to Norma again. 'Do we have to have?' and here he nodded slightly towards Bertha. 'Oh yes!' replied Norma and then she took off her t-shirt and headband and gave them to Captain Bill. 'Have a nice time and I'll look forward to seeing you when you get back.' 'WHAT!' said Captain Bill. 'I've got to get some ironing done,' replied Norma,'but Bertha will take care of you.' And with that Norma hurr...

Helloooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!* Knitting's fun isn't it! Mostly I like to knit things that people can wear, like hats or wardrobes or verrrrryyyyyy small mountains but sometimes it's just fun to be able to knit something a bit less practical. Norma (my best friend) has asked me to knit some little ships for Captain/ Non Captain (take your pick) Eyepatch to play with. Is it his bath time? Search me! Now I had a quick look for some patterns but there don't seem to be any (bit of a gap in the market there if you ask me). So I've let my imagination have a bit of a play. I'm rather pleased with my 3 mast armchair special but my fav so far is the giant tennis racket ship...for playing games of giant sea tennis (and who wouldn't want to have a go at that???). Do you have a ship pattern that you really like? If so I'm prepared to feign interest if you'd like to post it to me. Take care, hugs and cake! Annie *Today's 'o's were s...

'Now that surprises me!' said Norma. 'Me too!' replied Captain Bill. 'I had knot tying down as one of your strong points,' said Norma. 'Me too,' replied Captain Bill. 'I wonder why it didn't go better than it did?' asked Norma with a sigh. 'Perhaps it's this type of rope?' suggested Captain Bill, 'I could be allergic to it!' 'Can that happen?' asked Norma. 'I recon it must,' replied Captain Bill,'what other explanation could there be for me making such a mess of things?' Deep inside Norma's head several other explanations, who were all eager to answer the question, put their hooves up and waved at her to attract her attention...but she decided that now was not the time. 'Perhaps,' she said,'we might be taking the wrong approach? Perhaps we need to work on other areas of your captainally abilities first.' 'Great!' replied Captain Bill,'.....which ones?...

'And so port is?' asked Norma. 'On the left?' suggested Captain Bill. 'Correct!' mooed Norma,'which means the starboard is?' 'On the right!' replied Captain Bill. 'Excellent!' said Norma,'that's 3 times out of 3. I really think you're starting to get the hang of it!' 'It's easier when you're not in a pressure situation, ' conceded Captain Bill. 'Indeed!' replied Norma,'now any questions?' 'What about starboliaboliboard?' asked Captain Bill. 'Sorry?' said Norma. 'Well if port is on the left and this new starboard thing is on the right, where have they put starboliarboliboard?' Norma thought for a while. 'They've replaced it,' she said at last,'...with starboard.' 'Right!' replied Captain Bill,'I wonder why they didn't tell me? Well I think that just about clears it up. Port on the left, starboard on the right...and then ...

You love him! You've missed him! But now he's back with even more for you to cuddle.... IIIIIITTTTT'SSSSSSSSSSSSSSS CYRILLLLLLLLL! Morning mon petite chumlettes, I stand before you today (and quite possibly to the sides as well) in my role as Squire Cyril of the Vine. Yes, the little green shoots of nibbleness have once more put forth their Spring leaves and started the slow and steady climb up my poles! (I'll do the jokes) Now it's been known for some time, there's no point in trying to keep it quiet, that the old grass vines respond well to a little musical encouragement. So to help them along I've been playing a few bars (and I've plenty of experience of bars). For those of you with your own vines, here's my top tips... 1. For a good strong red it's got to be jazz funk with a bit of blues for a fuller rounder flavour (much like myself). 2. Light bubbly whites like a splodge of swing and the odd classical number. But for a drier c...

Morning all, just me today! Well I think it's fair to say that things have not exactly been at their very best over the last couple of weeks. But this is where the fightback begins! Having survived Bertha's rapier like wit it's now full sail ahead and onto the high seas of Norma's teaching programme (she's just popped off to make a couple of cakes but young Geraldine seems to have picked up a surprising amount of knowledge about matters nautical). Actually I'm so impressed that I may get the other members of the crew to take a refresher course...let's see how many of them know their stern from their aft rear mizzen deck thingy! Right on we go! Here's hoping she doesn't set too much homework... Captain Bill

Norma and Captain Bill arrived at the library. For some reason Bertha was still wearing her safety goggles? 'Good morning!' said Norma. 'Morning!' replied Bertha,'will you be long? Only I'm in the middle of a bit of sculpture.' 'I noticed you were still wearing your safety goggles,' said Norma. 'Well you never know when a sharp object might fly through the air,' replied Bertha and she smiled at Captain Bill. 'We'll try to be as quick as we can,' said Norma,'we just wondered whether you might have some books that would help Captain Bill?' Bertha agreed to have a rummage. 'This one's new!' she said, holding up a thin blue hard backed book. 'It's about understanding fortified wine. It's called 'Know your PORT!'.' 'And you have to shout the last word do you?' asked Norma. 'I like to!' replied Bertha. 'I don't think that one's for us,' said Norma. ...

'Hello,' said Norma. 'Hello,' said Captain Bill,'...have I missed much?' 'Not really,' replied Norma,'Annie spent most of last week climbing up trees!' 'Must be Spring then,' said Captain Bill.'Did she fall out at all?' 'About every ten minutes or so,' replied Norma. 'and Horace is feeling a bit down, so he's hoping to write some good poetry.' 'I'll look forward to hearing it,' said Captain Bill 'So are you ready then?' she asked. 'I suppose so!' said Captain Bill. 'If we must?' 'Come on then,' replied Norma and together they herded off the beach and headed inland. 'I thought we'd start with some theory work,' said Norma as they jogged along,'and then move onto the practical stuff a bit later.' 'OK!' replied Captain Bill. 'So I think the first thing we need to do is visit the library and see what books they have,' added...

Hello everyone! I'm down here at the beach and the sun is out and I'm just soaking my hooves for a while. Cyril told me where Captain Bill is. Cyril can be kind like that sometimes, when he wants to be. I just wish he could be a bit more...consistent! Anyway it does as least mean that I can relax a bit. I know I'm a silly old thing for worrying all the time but I just like to think that there's no real reason why we shouldn't all be happy. So I'm going to take the weekend off and just have a splash about and nibble some cake. I do hope that you all have a lovely time where you are. See you next week! Norma

'So shall I open another bottle of the '73?' asked Cyril. 'No, I'm OK thanks,'replied Captain Bill. 'Was I, was I really that bad as a captain?' Cyril thought for a while. 'You were rubbish!' he said at last,'But considering the alternatives you'd still get my vote!' 'Hmm,' said Captain Bill,'unfortunately it's not votes that count! I need a signed certifflicate!' 'Really?' replied Cyril,'you should have said, I've got a box of them laying around here somewhere!' 'No a proper one,' said Captain Bill.'Anyway, thanks for letting me stay for a while!' he added. 'No problem,' replied Cyril,'with any luck Bertha will be past the major shouty stage by the weekend.' 'I'll still have to face her though!' said Captain Bill. 'Your problem,' replied Cyril,'if you don't mind me saying so, is that you worry too much.' 'You don...

'You're quite sure?' asked Norma....again. 'Well the doors are closed, the lights are off and there's no sign of movement,' replied Horace. 'So what do you think?' asked Norma. 'About what?' replied Horace. 'Is he in there?' asked Norma. No!' replied Horace. 'I felt sure he would be!' said Norma. 'Do you want to come and have a look for yourself?' asked Horace. 'No, no, that's fine,' replied Norma,'......can you see right into the corne...' 'Yes!' mooed Horace. 'And?' asked Norma. 'He's not there!' replied Horace. 'I felt sure he would be!' said Norma. 'I wonder where he is then?' she added and Horace said he didn't have a clue.

Morning all, Bertha here! It's been a while since I've done any sculpture but for some reason I find that at the moment I have a strong desire TO HIT THINGS! So I thought that I'd come and do a bit of creative work. It seems to be helping. And let's face it, there's going to be plenty of time TO HIT THINGS in the coming months because without a properly appointed captain we can't actually sail the Pickled Heifer, it's just not allowed. THANK YOU SO MUCH EX-CAPTAIN BILL! Sorry, I do get a bit shouty about these things but I don't believe in keeping quiet for the sake of it. Right I think I'll just do a little bit more finishing off on this piece and then move onto the next 5 ton block. Thank you so much for your attention...do have a nice day! Bertha

'Well,'said Horace,'there are only a few crumbs left so he must have eaten it.' 'Oh, that's good news!' replied Norma,'I was worried he wouldn't touch it at all.' Norma and Horace were back at the little hollow that Captain Bill had been laying in. But Captain Bill wasn't there! 'I wonder where he's gone?' said Norma. 'Perhaps he's just popped off for a stroll,' replied Horace,'it's quite a nice day.' 'Hmm, possibly,' said Norma,'but I would like to be sure and after we've dragged this hamper all the way up here for him we can hardly just leave it and hope.' And for a while they both stood and thought. 'Well,' said Horace after a while,'maybe as we have the hamper....and it's a nice day...well, we could always have a picnic...just the two of us...it might be nice.' 'THE ROPE MUSEUM!' shouted Norma,'why didn't I think of that first, that...

Helllooooooooooooooooooooooooo! The men with hats have gone! I don't know where, I don't know when but I know we'll meet again some sunny dayyyyyyyy! Anyway, I'm up a tree (please see illustration). I thought it might be nice to come and have a little chat to all the new leaves and explain to them a bit about the lovely world that they've just arrived in. I was going to give them all names but now I'm up here I realise that there are a lot more than I thought there would be...and I don't know that many names! Ethel is one...and George.......and Annie....I know that because it's my name...........that's about it really! Also you will see that I have decided to keep myself informed of all the latest news by having Geraldine hand me messages on a stick. The last one was about not falling out of the tree. Right, best get on.....hello leaves! Bye Annie

'Are you OK?' asked Norma. 'Not really,' replied Captain Bill,'...I threw my hat away!' 'I know,' said Norma,'Horace saw you.' 'There didn't seem much point in keeping it,' replied Captain Bill,'not now.' 'It was only one question,' said Norma,'I thought you did really well apart from that and before they left they did say that you could re-apply after a year.' 'I'm not sure I'll bother,' said Captain Bill who was looking down at the ground. And for while there was silence. 'We brought you some cake,' said Norma at last,'it's your favourite, lemon with extra thick icing on top.' And Cyril coughed slightly. 'Well a bit of the icing has gone,' said Norma. And Cyril coughed again. 'Actually most of the icing has gone,' added Norma,'but I couldn't have carried it all this way and it's taken us a long time to find where you were.' 'I...

AND SO And so at last He gets to see himself And so at last And so And so at last He gets to see And so at last And so And so And so at last And so And so at last And so at last And so And so at last He gets to see And so at last And so at last And so at last And so And so at last He gets to see himself As others see him Thank you Horace

'AAAAARRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!' SCREAMED BERTHA. .