Cow Island

'WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DIDN'T ASK!' said Bertha, very loudly. 'Well what chance did I have?' mooed Captain Bill in reply. 'You saw her, the moment she'd handed over the scroll she was off back down the hill faster than Cyril can eat! Her little legs hardly touched the ground! Just a blur of pink and gold she was...how she kept her crown on I'll never know!' 'You could have run after her!' said Bertha, who was standing very close to Captain Bill. 'No I couldn't,' he replied, '.....it would have been undignified and besides it would have contravened the first rule of Captain School!' 'Which is?' asked Bertha, who had a good feeling that she knew what was coming. 'Never, ever ask for directions!' said Captain Bill with a flourish. 'SO HOW,' screamed Bertha, 'DO YOU PROPOSE THAT WE FIND NORMAN!!!!!!!' 'Well, I thought we might just sail...' '...ABOUT FOR A BIT!!!!' completed Bert...

Captain Bill stood firmly on the harbour wall and watched as yet another load was dragged up the gangplank and onto the Pickled Heifer. 'Is,' he asked, 'is all of this absolutely necessary?' 'Oh yes!' replied Norma. 'Only I thought I said,' said Captain Bill,'let's try and keep it to just the essentials!' 'You did,' replied Norma. 'Only I can't help noticing,' continued Captain Bill, 'that so far the only things that have been loaded are hat boxes and crates of wine! At this rate I wouldn't be surprised if I saw 3 tons of fruit cake go past!' And Norma hastily added a note to the bottom of her list. 'Well,' she said,'I'm sure it won't take long to get it all onboard. Then we can be off to collect Norman.' 'Mmmm!' said Captain Bill, I suppose so!' 'Is it far?' asked Norma. 'Mmmm?' said Captain Bill again. 'To where he's staying,' said No...

'I mean really!' said Queen Phoebe, 'his little Regalness goes to all that trouble to hold a first class, top notch, rowing type regatta and what does he get for it...one little column inside the sports pages! But if there's even a whiff of dirt it's all over the front pages quick as a knife!' All of the Cows said how sorry they were to hear that the press coverage hadn't been better than it was. 'Of course,' continued Queen Phoebe,'what would really cheer him up would be to expand his little kingdom a teansy bit more. Even just one more island would help and we're doing an offer at the moment. If you sign up today you get a lovely picture of his Royaltyness and we're throwing in free dental as well!' Norma explained that while it was a very tempting offer they were really quite happy without a King. 'Well suit yourselves!' replied Queen Phoebe, but there was a decided air of huffiness about how she said it. 'So,' said...

'Nothing?' exclaimed Captain Bill. 'No!' replied Bertha. 'Nothing at all?' asked Captain Bill. 'No!' replied Bertha for a second time. 'But how many did you find?' '17 books, 12 magazines and 4 pamphlets,' said Bertha. 'And there's nothing about rope in any of them?' mooed Captain Bill. 'No!' said Bertha yet again, 'there is a magazine article on parcels....you can see a ball of string in the corner of one of the photos!' 'I'll have that then,' said Captain Bill after a pause. 'Have you got your library card?' asked Bertha. 'Oh Udders!' said Captain Bill. But at that moment Norma came herding up to them. 'Hello!' she said. 'Hello,' replied Bertha and Captain Bill. 'How are we all?' asked Norma. 'Fine!' they both replied. 'Wonderful!' said Norma. 'Captain Bill's going to look at a picture of string,' said Bertha. 'Oh how nice!...

TOGETHER The Sun is setting fast now The Summer's almost gone The leaves have started turning They seem to beckon Autumn on And so I've been thinking In the time that we've got left Don't you and I deserve Just a little happiness Why shouldn't we be walking Together side by side Why shouldn't we be talking Of what we feel inside Why shouldn't we be sharing Why don't we just confess That together we deserve Just a little happiness I often think when I am on my own That this house alone can never be my home So why shouldn't we be staring Into each others eyes Why shouldn't we be wearing The smiles we try to hide Why shouldn't we just give in And accept that two is best Then together we could have Just a little happiness Thank you Horace

It's Thursday! You know he's here! It'ssssssssss CYRILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Morning chums! Cuddly Cyril here! Bon viveur and registered charity...give now and make me happy, it's as simple as that! You catch me in the act (steady now!) of sending off a few tax deductable samples to my new found student, wee Blanche. A carefully selected half dozen bottles of Cyril's best for her to try. An educated palette is a good thing and it's never too early to start learning. Should any of you out there wish to buy a few cases just drop me a line and a large cheque and I'll get Annie to blow the balloons up. Buy 3 cases and I guarantee that at least one will actually have something in it! Chateau Cyril..the one you can trust! Right, just time to fit in a quick snackette before 7th breakfast. Until we meet again! Cyril

Morning all, I do wish I could fly you all over for a while! Someone to pick up the other bag for me would be most helpful and the rest of you could help me to collect any books or magazines. Now I must be honest and say that the Cow Island library has not had the attention that it deserves of late. What with all that travelling and then with Ms Camille and her students. But a couple of days of hard work will soon put thing right and the first thing we need to do is to sort out all of the new books. There's been quite a lot washed up over the past few months. The first thing to do is put the library stamp on them and then we can hang them up to dry. Then we'll need to sort out any that have pictures of food and hide them before Cyril eats them! After that we can sort out the rest. I've already spotted quite a few that people will want to borrow. Norma likes a good romance and there's an illustrated guide to the history of depressing poetry that Horace will simply bite h...

Morning all, Captain Bill here! Just doing my bit for the big clean up. Now this news may surprise some of you, but let me make it clear that even a 1st rate Captain shouldn't be afraid of getting involved with the more run of the mill tasks. Being able to turn a hoof to anything is what it's all about and a tidy pile of leaves is sure to impress the junior ranks! It's a little known fact that I actually took broom studies when at Captain school. It was that or navigation and any fool can tell Port from Starboliarboliboard! Apart from that there's little to report...although I seem to have mislaid my compass! But I'm sure it'll turn up! Take care and enjoy your day! Captain Bill

Hellloooooooooooooooooooooo! Annie here and today I will be blogging at you about the trees. Are you sitting comfortabumly? Then I shall begin! I'm sure that we've all noticed that about this time of year all the leaves fall off the trees. The question is WHY? It used to be thought that the leaves had run out of rent money, but this is not the case. It's because the trees are tired! That shouldn't come as any great surprise because.... 1. Trees have to stand up ALL the time...with the possible exception of the sofa oak...but you don't see many of those around these days. 2. All the little birdies live in the trees and every morning AND last thing at night they talk to each other very loudly! (it's mostly about the price of short term loans and worms). So to help the trees I'm carrying out an experiment and YOU can join in the fun! I've selected a tree...let's call him Stan and I've tried to make him as comfy as possible. There's a night cap, ...

Morning everybody! Welcome back! Well I have to say that we've all been extra busy over the last few days. As you can see I've been sweeping up some of the fallen leaves and Annie has allowed me to borrow Geraldine, so she has been helping by dusting a few of them. Annie herself has been working on a new idea and there'll be more about that on Monday. All I can say now is that if it works this sweeping could all be a thing of the past! Bertha is doing some work on the library and the lads are generally clearing up although this is a very good time of year for Horace, what with it being so miserable, so he may stop to write some poetry. I do hope that you all had a good week! Look forward to hearing about everything that you've been up to. Take care! Norma

'So!' said Norma. 'Yes!' said Bertha. 'Indeed!' said Captain Bill. 'Well, I shall miss them!' added Norma. 'They might write?' suggested Captain Bill. 'I think they said they would!' said Bertha And for a while Bertha, Norma and Captain Bill stood in the rain and said nothing. 'Well if there's nothing else?' said Captain Bill at last, 'I'll go and get on.' 'Actually, before you go, could you read this out?' asked Norma and she gave Captain Bill a little letter. So Captain Bill read it out. 'Dear readers, because of Ms Camille and her students being here. We've not been doing any cleaning, so Cow Island looks a bit shabby. We will therefore be closed for one week and with luck will be back with you on Saturday the 19th.' 'Thank you,' said Norma and she took the letter back. 'So can I go now?' asked Captain Bill and Norma said he could. 'Fancy a paddle?' asked Bertha. And N...

'.....and so I think I can say, without fear, that this as been the best trip me and ma students have ever been on!' And everybody cheered! 'Although,' pointed out Norma, 'I thought you said when you arrived that this was the first trip you had ever been on?' 'Why yes!' replied Camille, '.........but it's still the best!' And everybody cheered again! 'Well we're just pleased you had such a good time,' said Captain Bill. 'Indeed,' replied Camille, 'and ma students 'ave learned so much. Etienne and Marie have both decided that they want to be brave sea captains, just like you, Captain Bill. Although so far they 'ave only been able to track down some rather poor, long distance course which don't look too good!' And here Bertha muttered something which suggested they might be very like Captain Bill. 'But,' continued Camille,'to tell the truth, I am a bit concerned about Blanche, who 'as said...

It's Thursday!......You've missed him! But now he's here! Iiiiittttttttttt'sssssssssssssssssssss Cyrillllllllll!!!!!!!!! Morning fans! I've just realised....over the summer...I've become even more handsome! Really! I mean, would I lie to you? But enough of me....and there is plenty! You could all cuddle a bit and there'd still be spaces! Now as you know, Ms Camille and her co workers are leaving us and I think it's my duty to send them on their way with a small offering. So 2 cases of my finest 'slurp the difference' Chateau Cyril '94 Meadow Grass Premier Cru. Light, crisp, soft of the nose and best drunk before the pink elephants arrive. If you'd like to try some, just message me, with your bank details and a copy of your passport and I'll get back to you...eventually! And now...onward! My public awaits! Sir Cyril of the Vine

Morning everybody, Bertha here. Now I think you'll all agree that, when Ms Camille and her students were dropped off, the balloon landing left a lot to be desired. It was really quite shoddy. So you'll be pleased to hear that I've put myself in charge this time. As you might have seen I've put up a proper wind sock and I've found some old table tennis bats. I quick look around the library turned up a couple of very useful books and from that I've drawn up a short, 50 question test for the Captain and crew of the balloon. I'm sure they'll be only too pleased to have something to do while we're loading things on. Of course, should they fail the test, I'll have to report them to the proper authorities. If you'd like to have a go I could send you a copy...some of the questions are multiple choice! On we go! Bertha PS Anyone who is interested in opening a regular balloon service to Cow Island should contact Bertha requesting a copy of all the form...

Morning, Norma here.....I can't remember the last time I did a blog on a Tuesday! I should just start by saying how much I enjoyed the party on Saturday. Such an interesting idea....to not have any wine!!!! Anyway,you've got me today because Horace was out walking this morning and he spotted the balloon coming back to pick up Ms Camille and the Calves. So everybody has gone into a bit of a panic! Apart from Bertha who has put herself in charge of the Ballooniport. I'm sure she'll tell you more about that on Wednesday. Ms Camille and the Students have gone off to pack and have one last look around the Rope Museum....not sure where the others are? Well, I must get on...so much to do! I hope you all have a nice day...try not to do too much work and find time to eat chocolate. Hugs Norma

Helllloooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo Annie here...I am down at the beach. Now, have you got a big bunch of Minimoos? Do you find them difficult to get clean? Dried in grass vine stains that just won't shift? Well me and my pal, Mr Sir Cyril of Minimoo Cleaning Products Limited are pleased to announce a breakthrough! Just 5 minutes with our new product......'wondersoapy' and a lot of dunking in the sea and our Minimoos come up bright and pearly white...even their little hooves! So buy today and get your Minimoos sparkly clean* And now back to your regular broadcast. Thank you for your time! Annie *Buy 2 packs of Wondersoapy and we'll chuck in a pot of white paint just in case it doesn't work...brush not supplied. PS Geraldine appears by kind permission of herself.

From the brass horn of the gramaphone small musical notes bobbed and weaved their way out into the open air and moved with effortless easy around the bodies of the swaying guests. Annie danced with Geraldine, Cyril danced with the Calves and Horace danced on his own..but hoped for better things. And down below them, with drinks and cakes and pleasant conversation stood Bertha, Camille, Norma and Captain Bill. 'You know,' said Camille, 'I think this must be the best party I 'ave ever been to!' 'Really?' asked Captain Bill. 'Why yes!' replied Camille, 'there is music and dancing and cake....and more cake..................and even more cake!' 'Well, we aim to please,' said Captain Bill and he offered Camille another slice of cake. 'Actually,' continued Camille,' I must be honest with you all...and this will make you laugh, but before the party started I was a little bit worried about what it would be like. I know you will fin...

'A fully knitted, totally extendable, minimoo sized, bungie operated, grass vine masher!!!' mooed Camille. 'Yes,' replied Norma, 'I have to confess that it took me by surprise.....and I've know Annie a very long time' 'MINIMOO'S!' called out Annie from the platform she was standing on and she pointed at the calves who were whizzing through the air. 'Yes!' replied Norma, who nodded and smiled. 'And,' said Camille,' you say Ms Annie is......'ow you say....perfectly safe?' 'Oh yes!' replied Norma, 'completely barmy.....but safe!' And for a while Camille and Norma stood and watched the calves as they bounced up and down. 'Well,' said Camille at last,'the vines 'ave been gathered and ma little students are 'elping to mash them up...so I guess that will be it...finis!' 'Oh!' replied Norma, 'but there is still one last thing that we have to do.' 'What is that?' a...

'So,' asked Camille, 'that is it? Everything is all done?' 'Well almost,' replied Norma, 'Bertha's got the poles. Horace is just gathering up the last of the vines and then it's all collected!' 'And then, what is next?' 'Well,' said Norma, 'the next thing is treading the vines, so that Cyril can start to make the wine.' Camille stopped walking and looked at Norma. 'You use it ALL for wine?' she asked. 'Eeerrrr, yes!' replied Norma. 'But who do you sell it to?' 'Welllllll,' said Norma, who turned a little pink, 'we're still researching the overseas market...so at the moment we have to drink it....before it goes off....we wouldn't want to waste it!' And Norma hurried on with Camille in close pursuit. 'And can ma little students 'elp with the vine treading, ' said Camille. And this time it was Norma turn to stop. 'Oh,' she said, 'I hadn't thought of t...

Morning...can't stop...you'll have to come with us! Actually I don't have much time...but I can say that we're almost finished...I think it must be a record time for getting in the vines! Ms Camille and her Calves have proved to be the most wonderful help. I've been working with young Blanche (see above) and I may even write a short note for her parents saying how good she's been. Now I realise that I may have been a bit short with Horace the other day, but it was a stressful situation and that's when everybody needs to work together and not start moaning...which is what he was doing! He'll probably get a poem or two out of it anyway...you know what poets are like for a little suffering! Right on we go...down the hill at a stampede I think! Take care...and do remember to sit up straight! Bertha.

Morning all, Captain Bill here with you today. Now I've thought it best to keep a low profile over these last few days. It seems to me to be important that Ms Camille and her students realise that, contrary to the impression they may have formed, I don't actually do everything here on the Island. Part of being a 1st class Captain is to allow the crew a free hand from time to time and when it comes to the grass vines, Cyril is the chap! So I've spent a while sprucing up the rope museum, just in case they want another quick look around before they leave. But now, as you can see, I'm heading off to join the others and I'm taking a few refreshments with me....Norma made a list. Actually I may need to make more than one trip! So if any of you are free for a couple of hours and feel like lending a hoof, you know where to find me. Right, on we go! Captain Bill