Cow Island

'I tell you, Norma,' exclaimed Camille, 'I came that close to signing!' and Camille indicated a very small distance indeed. 'Really?' asked Norma. 'Why yes!' replied Camille, 'if I 'ad not been distracted by 'orace's screams I would 'ave done so!' 'Hmmm,' said Norma, 'he was quite loud....but I suppose if Bertha's jumping up and down on you, you would be!' 'And 'e really said she was overweight?' 'Well not exactly,' replied Norma, 'I think it was more of a misunderstanding...she's actually rather a sensitive person..once you get past the bluff exterior. Anyway, I have to say it's very kind of you to agree to still help out with the vine harvest.' 'Well,' said Camille, 'I'm sure that Mr Cyril was only 'aving 'is little joke and ma students are 'aving the most wonderful time....only we're 'aving a break in 5 minutes and we don't work past...

Helloooooooooooooooooooooo! Annie here, Now I don't usually do the blog thing on a Saturday. Normally, my best friend Norma does it....but she's not here! I don't know why she...perhaps her nose is tired? That happens to me sometimes and I have to go to the nose clinic....or did I just dream that? I like dreams....sometimes I find it quite difficult to tell the diffrence between dreams and the thing that happens when you're not dreaming. But Norma said that as long as I remember that the non dreaming bit has a Penguin in it, I should be pretty safe. I like Norma! Still, the fact that I get to do the blog today is rather fortuatousamous, because I can let you know that the Shrimps have finished their knitting project! And it's a winner! Actually I'm so excited about it* that I'm not going to tell you what it is....until later in the week...this will build tension. I like building tension because you only need a small hammer and little nails.... ....... .........

'Madame!' mooed Horace,'Could you please take a bit more care as to where you are putting your hooves?!' 'Sorry,' replied Norma and she shifted a bit to the left. 'Careful!' called out Bertha, 'I almost fell off!' 'Sorry,' replied Norma and she shifted a bit to the right. 'Ow!' said Horace, 'Honestly! I am a poet not a stepladder!' Norma, Horace and Bertha were looking for Ms Camille and 'er little students....they had not, so far, met with success. 'They must be around here somewhere!' said Bertha. 'I do wish I'd stuck with them,' replied Norma, who was feeling rather guilty. 'Well,' said Bertha,'I have to say I'm rather surprised at you.....falling for such an obvious trick!' 'It wasn't that obvious!' said Norma. 'I think it was perfectly possible that a team of fit young rowers had turned up at the pier to ask me to coach them!' 'Is this going to go on ...

'Really,' said Cyril, 'I wouldn't bother yourself too much with the fine print!' 'But it is all fine print!' declared Camille, 'it's like the normal print is fine print and the fine print is very, very, very, very, very, very.......very fine print! I would not be surprised if you 'ad a specially trained swarm of tiny anty things with little miniature pens just to be able to write it this small! And further more,' she continued, 'if it's just a form for a visit, why does it say 'contract of employment' at the top?' 'Typing error?' suggested Cyril. Cyril and Camille and the Calves were standing at the bottom of a large vine covered hill. Cyril had already, thoughtfully, given out some tools. Camille took another look at the 'paperwork'. 'I am still not sure,' she said, 'and why does the visit 'ave to take place over 10, twelve hour, shifts?' 'Well there's so much to do, ' repli...

Morning all, Bertha here, have we all been enjoying brave Capitaine Bile's Ocean voyage? I know I did! I had a lovely view of it from my chair, some of the calves were even kind enough to give me a wave from time to time. I really must get our glorious leader to give me some lessons one day! Perhaps I might even get him to write a book! '7 Days Lost in the Harbour' ?!? Anyway, as they're now all safely back on land, I can respond to Norma's note (see horn). I'm sure she's quite right that Cyril will need to some supervision and more to the point if it really is grass vine harvest time, we'll all need to be there (I've told Annie she can wait until her shrimp knitting project is completed but then she's to follow on) Right, forward at a steady jog...see you all there! Bertha.

'But he was so good!' said Camille. 'Really?' asked Norma, who didn't look convinced. 'Really!' replied Camille, 'first he pretended not to know the answer to simple questions and then in the end, he behaved like, how you say, a complete burk, just so that ma little students could come to the rescue! Only a truly great Sea Captain could 'ave been so clever!' 'Yessssssssssssssss,' said Norma, 'he's very good like that. You wouldn't believe the number of times he's done that to us!' and she glanced towards Captain Bill, who was suddenly showing considerable interest in his hooves. 'Well anyway,' continued Norma, 'we....or rather Cyril, thought it might be nice for you to have a little break from all things nautical and so he's arranged for a trip around Cow Island's very own grass vineyard.........I'm coming with you by the way.....try to keep me in sight at all times...might be for the best...and...

'Lost!' wailed Captain Bill, 'Lost! Doomed! Condemmed to wander until the ends of the.......Sea...Ocean...thing!' The Calves and Camille looked at Captain Bill. 'So you 're trying to tell us that we 're lost?' asked Camille. 'I've been trying to keep it from you,' replied Captain Bill dejectedly, 'but what's the use! You'll have to know at some time! ' 'But we 'ave been steering Not North,' said Camille. 'Well it must have moved!' replied Captain Bill, 'it does that....you spend years working out where it is and then it drifts a bit! I said years ago we should have tied Annie to it! You can't lose her no matter how hard you try!' And for a while nobody said anything until Camille felt someone tapping on her side. 'Well,' she began, 'I don't know if it will 'elp but ma little student Etienne 'ere, he says maybe now is the time to give a tug on the rope so Norma and pull us...

'Which is why,' said Captain Bill, 'even on a flat calm sea, with the wind below 3 knots and everyone on lookout duty, you should never let Annie have a go at steering!' At this point the calves all jotted things down in little notebooks. 'And did it take long for you to get the 'Pickled 'eifer' back out of the library?' asked Camille. 'Oh, a month or two,' replied Captain Bill, 'only a few scratches really!........and a new mast........and a new hull...and decking.' And more notes were made. 'I don't want to bother you too much,' said Camille, 'but ma little student, Jean Claude, he would like to confirm please, when a boat is in fog, should you give, at not more than one minute intervals, audible blasts, once when on a starboliarboliboard tack or twice and only once when on a port tack?' Captain Bill looked back at Camille and then at Jean Claude and then back at Camille. 'I think it depends on what sort of ...

It's Thursday! He's here! And he's very grateful for the suggestion! It's Cyrilllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hello Chums! Your pal Cyril here and I would just like to say a great big 'thank you' to one of my top fans for coming up a simply brilliant idea. It quite clear that young people these days have simply no idea where their food...or drink for that matter, comes from. So what could be better than to involve a group of ....well, visiting students, in helping out on a working meadow for a couple of days...or weeks. The chance to actually do things like, picking the grass vines, filling the vats, digging an extensive series of new drainage ditches! What an education that would be! It's a once in a lifetime chance....which could easily last a lifetime. Cyril's Educational Outreach Programme....you know it makes sense! Take care Cyril PS Know of a young person who's looking for work? Too big to fit up a chimney? Call ...

'And therefore,' said Captain Bill, 'by placing the seaweed in our Captain's hat, we not only have a useful indicator of the weather but we also provide ourselves with a tasty snack!' The calves and Camille all gave Captain Bill a round of applause. 'Well I'm thinking that ma little students must be full up to the ends of their tails with all of the knowledge that you have put into them!' said Camille. 'Ma pleasure,' replied Captain Bill and everyone laughed, 'always happy to answer any questions.' And at this, one of the students raised a hoof and spoke to Camille. 'Ma little student, Blanche,' said Camille, 'she would like to know, why is it that 'er knitted compass has 2 'Not North's' marked on it?' 'Ah!,' replied Captain Bill, 'that's because it's only a junior knitted compass. A full Captain's knitted compass,' and here Captain Bill held it up for all to see, 'has, of co...

Helllllloooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo* Annie here! First I'm sorry I wasn't here yesterday....well I was actually....but you weren't....well I don't think you were...perhaps you were but you were very, very small and I just didn't see you?! The thing is we're all back today! Although I still can't see you! But I imagine that you're here....Norma (my best friend) says that a lot of my life is just what I imagine...but I imagine that Norma doesn't really mean that! So anyway, as you can see I'm down at the beach having got all the knitted, steam hover thingy back into the water. My Shrimp buddies have already started to unpick it and so the question is....what to knit next????? As regular readers will know, the Shrimps do have a bit of a problem with following a pattern....so in a break from tradition I've had a quick look through the Cow Island library and found a slightly battered copy of a thing called 'Pride and Prejemidicials' by ...

'And so,' concluded Captain Bill, 'to protect against the Sun and thus allow calm thinking is stressful situations, the Captain's Summer Hat is an essential piece of equipment!' Ms Camille and her students took time to admire the essential piece of equipment. 'Well,' Camille said at last,'yet another gem of information for ma students! I should not be surprised if they are all going on to be brave sea captains!' 'Of course,' added Captain Bill, 'it takes many years of hard study at Captain School, but I'm sure that you're all up to it!' 'But with the knitted compasses from the museum gift shop I already feel they are 'alf way there!' replied Camille and everybody laughed. 'So now,' said Norma, 'if you would like to make your way down the stairs and onto the Mootilus, Captain Bill will be taking you out for a short trip upon the high seas!' So Camille and the calves made their way onto the boat a...

HOOFPRINTS So come young friends From o'er the sea Come walk a while And talk to me And tell me tales From your own land And make small hoofprints In the sand Tell me stories That make clear All of the things That you hold dear Speak of meadows Speak of shade Speak of promises you've made And as we walk I'll understand While you make hoofprints In the sand Thank you Horace

'How long!' asked Captain Bill. 'A few weeks,' replied Norma,'it depends on when the balloon comes back to pick them up.' 'But what are we going to do with them?' asked Captain Bill, 'I suppose there's always another trip to the museum!' 'I don't think you could make that last 3 weeks,' replied Norma, 'as exciting as it is!' 'Hmmm,' replied Captain Bill, 'perhaps not!' 'I thought maybe you could take them out for a sail,' suggested Norma, 'you could go in the Mootilus, they'd like that...and you're hat would be unmunged by then.' 'Welllllllllllll,' replied Captain Bill, 'I wouldn't want to rush into something....there would be a lot of things to consider...things to organise.' 'That's OK,' said Norma, 'I've arranged for Horace to look after them on Friday, you've got plenty of time to get organised.' And at this point she held up Captai...

Afternoon all, Bertha here, sorry I'm a bit later than normal. Now can we get one thing straight! It was just a LITTLE jog! Only it seems as if calves are expected to just lay around in fields all day! And their hooves were perfectly OK. A paddle in a little sea water would have sorted out any problems. Anyway, I know when I'm not needed, so I've left them to it...and a good thing that I did! Annie seems to have covered the entire Island in knitting or what's left of it! So I'm giving her a hoof to get it all into a big ball and she can take it back to the Shrimps. Right on we go....have productive afternoons and remember to sit up straight! Bertha

'.....and so,' said Captain Bill wth a flourish, 'if it hadn't been for a piece of rope that was quite a bit like this one, the table would have fallen over, the pie would have gone cold and the sheep would have escaped!' Camille stood open mouthed, several of the calves pushed past her and pressed closer to the glass and then scribbled things onto their clipboards. 'And finally,' continued Captain Bill, 'in this case over here, we have a piece of rope that is almost the same as the bit of rope that we saw about ten minutes ago!' Camille and the calves and Norma all hurried over to take a look. 'Well,' said Camille, 'franky I would not be surprised if ma little students 'eads simply exploded with excitment! Their brains are now so full of rope related facts! I never would 'ave guessed that rope could be this interesting. Truly this is a museum.....full of rope!' And the calves all mooed in agreement and Captain Bill went a lit...

Hellooooooooooooooooooo! Annie here and before I get on to my main topic I'd like to say a few words about driving knitted, steam powered, hover thingamedoodles up trees. I'd like to suggest avoiding it! After taking a small survey, 100% of people who had done so, said it was a bad idea. But there is an upside! From our advantaglemous position, Geraldine and I have been able to observe that there are now a large number of minimoo's in the area (see drawing, see Geraldine pointing at drawing, wonder how long Geraldine can hang onto my hat?). Now minimoo's seem to be a lot like you and me, only smaller. The question is why* It is possible that they've all sprung a leak and are deflating...but that sounds silly! I think the answer is much simpler......the Island is getting bigger! I'm not sure why this should be. Perhaps it's eating too much and needs to get out for some excercise! It may have become depressed about something and taken to comfort eating. It see...

'Nonsense!' said Bertha, 'it was just a quick jog!' 'But look at them!' replied Camille, 'ma little students, they are all how you say, cream crackered!' 'Just got a bit of air in their lungs that's all!' mooed Bertha, 'Do them the world of good!' 'Well I am not so sure!' replied Camille, 'look at poor Etienne, his 'ooves are completely worn away!' and she pointed at a calf who was laying on his back. 'Oh, I don't think it's that bad,' suggested Captain Bill, who had moved a little closer to Etienne to get a closer look, 'the one at the back on the left is still there!' 'But this is ma first job!' replied Camille, 'they 'ave never been away before! What am I to tell their parents? Well they 'ad a great time, sorry they don't 'ave no 'ooves left!' and with that she shook a little and then burst into tears. Captain Bill looked at Bertha, Bertha looked at Ca...

'And this,' said Captain Bill, with great reluctance, 'is Cyril!' Camille lent in slightly towards Captain Bill. 'Which one?' she asked. 'No,' replied Captain Bill, 'that's just one person....it's all him!' 'Oh!' said Camille and she gave Cyril a slightly nervous smile. 'Afternoon,' replied Cyril, 'I have,' he continued, 'travelled here,this very afternoon, to meet your personage and have taken the liberty of bringing with me a small gift!' and so saying he stepped to one side. 'Oh,' said Camille, 'how kind.....it is 'alf an empty, badly damaged cart!' 'Yes,' replied Cyril, 'Well, I did set out with the best of intentions. A small vehicle of the finest oak, it was fully laden with flowers...carefully chosen, hoof picked blooms....not a petal out of place.....but I hadn't moved far before I was overcome by a serious attack of the munchies! There's still a couple of sta...

It's Thursday! He's here! And if you're not already in love with him, think again! Iiiiiiiittttttt'sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss CYRILLLLLLL!!!! Morning mon petite chums! And what a morning it is! Does the fine soft nose of our young hero detect upon the air the slightest hint of parfum? Do we have guests? Are there those, who even now, have not had the pleasure (careful!). Are they and I being kept apart by some other person? Fear not! And so, with well trimmed hoof and a dab of horn polish, I set forth! A lady awaits! I travel and a small range of gifts travels with me. Young Cyril shall not be left out! Onward! Cyril

'But now your 'at is all mushed!' said Camille, rather forlornly. 'Oh, it's nothing!' replied Captain Bill. 'And your 'ead is green!' added Camille. 'Just one of those things,' said Captain Bill. 'Earlier in the year I had it stuck to an iceberg!' Camille glanced back toward Norma and Norma nodded to confirm that what Captain Bill has said was true. 'You must be a very brave Capitaine!' added Camille and this time it was Capitaine Bill who turned to look at Norma, who just shrugged and looked up towards the sky. 'Well,' continued Captain Bill, 'soon be at the museum!' 'Oh! Tres bon!' replied Camille, 'ma students have been so looking forward to it.....they will be there when we arrive?' she asked. 'Well.........possibly,' replied Captain Bill, 'Bertha will get them there I'm sure....she's very good at......doing things!' 'It was very kind of 'er to look after them...

Morning all, Bertha back with you again! Now I tried to stay out of things, but it was quite clear that somebody needed to take charge of the situation.....so I have! Ms Camille seems like a very nice person, but I'm not sure that she's really the sort to be looking after so many young calves, so far from their home! I've left her with Norma and they're going to do something with the 'ead of the brave Captain Bile....not sure what they're going to do...but I doubt if it will do any harm! After that they're going to make their way around to the Rope Museum. So I've taken the calves off on a little jog (they're a bit flabby!) and we'll meet up with the others later on. If you feel like joining in, please do so. We're heading down to the beach and then we'll go along from there towards the pier....hot grass rolls for all when we've finished! Take care, Bertha PS A range of Bertha fitness DVD's are still available, please ask at your ...

'Mit's Smill!' mumbled Captain Bill. 'He says it's Bill,' translated Norma with a smile. 'Oh!' said Camille, 'I am so, so sorry! The mistake is all my fault, please forgive me!' and she fluttered her eyes in Captain Bill direction, even though he couldn't actually see her. Norma, Bertha, Camille and about a dozen small calves were standing around the collapsed figure of Captain Bill. 'Also,' continued Camille, 'the colossally heavy sack of wet sand, that has introduced your brave Captain's 'ead to the ground is also ma fault.' Norma assured her that it was the sort of mistake that anyone could have made. 'You are so kind,' replied Camille, 'I was trying to 'elp the crew land the balloon, when ma attention was caught by what I can only describe as some sort of bizarre, knitted, steam powered, hover thingy....and I let go of the wrong leaver!' 'Snuffink!' mooed Captain Bill. 'So kind, ...

'Left a bit,' said Norma, 'left a bit more, a bit more, stop! Now back a bit, stop! Left a bit more......OK! Down!' 'Thanks, ' said Captain Bill. 'You know, I really think it's about time you learned to put your hat on straight, without help!' replied Norma as she flicked a feather duster over Captain Bill's tail. 'Hmm, maybe!' said Captain Bill, 'tricky things though, hats!' and he pulled at it a bit. Norma and Captain Bill were waiting in a large field in which a large 'B' had been hastily laid out. There were only the 2 of them there. 'You're quite sure you don't want the others here?' asked Norma, 'I'm sure they'd want to be here....and it might look a bit odd....from the visitors point of view.' 'As I've already explained,' replied Captain Bill, 'I'd prefer to keep this low key for the moment. Just until our guests arrive and we've cleared up one or two minor err...