Cow Island

'You're joking!' exclaimed Captain Bill. 'No,' replied Bertha,'Cyril's convinced of it and just for once I'm in full agreement with him.' Captain Bill very nervously popped his head above the bush that he and Bertha were hiding behind. 'But they look so.....humanlike!' 'There's no denying that it's a masterpiece of disguise,' replied Bertha,' but it does help to account for the lack of legs...and the shortness of the grass!' Captain Bill pulled his head back down and very slightly edged himself back down the hill a bit. 'Right,' he said,'wellllll.....it strikes me that if we're going to take them on, then we'll need to have some really good quality rope to be able to tie them up with...now I've got some, but it's back on Cow Island....so the sooner I leave the sooner I can be back.' Bertha gave Captain Bill a 'look'. 'What's that for?' he asked,'I...

Hello everyone, Norma here! Sorry if it all got a bit dramatic yesterday but there's no doubt in my mind that we're facing the biggest adventure that we've ever had! I suspect that there are still more revelations to come...which is why, as I speak, we're contacting some highly important people as quickly as we can. Luckily, as it turns out, Geraldine has done a long distance learning course in Morse code. She does insist on saying 'fish' instead of 'stop' but you can still work out what the message means and it's going to be faster than a special courier haddock. Hopefully we'll get some swift answers. The lives of Ms Camille and her little students might very well depend on it! Take care Norma

Captain Bill peered closely at the letter that Norma was holding up. 'Well it looks like Camille's hoof writing,' he said. 'That's because it is,' replied Norma,'Horace has compared it to the letter of invitation that she sent us, it's definitely by her.' 'And she says that they can't be here this year because they have bad tummies but expect to be back next year,' read Captain Bill. 'That's right,' said Norma. 'Then everything is OK!,' said Captain Bill. 'Panic over!' 'I'm afraid not,' replied Norma,'Ms Camille may have written this letter...but she was forced to!' 'Forced to!' mooed Bertha. And Norma nodded her head. 'But she was clever enough to make it clear what was happening and who it was that was forcing her. Take a closer look at how she spelled 'bad'.' And Geraldine pointed at the word with her beak. 'Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad!' read out C...

'We shouldn't be here!' whispered Captain Bill. 'I know,' replied Norma,'and normally I wouldn't do this sort of thing...but needs must!' 'But we're breaking into the organisers tent!' said Captain Bill,'what are we going to say if we get caught?' 'We'll say we got lost and took a wrong turn,' replied Norma as she looked around. 'And just accidentally cut open the back of their tent and rifled through the entire contents of their private correspondence?' questioned Captain Bill. 'These things happen!' replied Norma,'but anyway we won't get caught. Annie and Bertha are outside and Cyril and Horace are on the flanks and Geraldine's got a little drum to bang if anyone gets too close.' 'I have to say, for an honest person you seem to have got this very well organised!' said Captain Bill. 'I employed a consultant,' replied Norma,'but don't worry, I've foun...

'I'm just a bit unsure what to do next?' said Norma. 'Hope it all just gets better?' suggested Captain Bill. 'I think we need to be a bit more pro-active than that,' replied Norma,'I have asked Horace to make a note of everything we've seen so far.' 'Does he have to do it as a poem?' asked Captain Bill. 'He just works better that way,' replied Norma. But at that very moment Bertha herded towards them. 'Major development!' she gasped. 'So the military are involved!' replied Captain Bill, but Norma just hit him. 'I've just spoken to the organisers,' continued Bertha,'they've had a letter from Camille saying that they're not very well and won't be coming.' 'See!' mooed Captain Bill,'I said there'd be a simple explanation!' 'Possibly,' replied Norma,'possibly not! But at least I know exactly what we need to do next!' So they went off to do...

'Well they look alright to me!' said Captain Bill. 'Who are they?' asked Bertha. 'St Hopeless's School for the Athletically Uninterested,' replied Cyril. 'And this is the lot that you think are up to no good?' asked Norma. 'Look!' replied Cyril. 'If you want to make a lot of money you need long odds, that means everyone has to see you as an outsider.' 'And then you win?' suggested Norma. 'Exactly mon petite cake baking chum!' replied Cyril. 'So whoever diverted Camille must be working hoof in hoof mitten with this lot! exclaimed Bertha. Cyril nodded. 'They can't have felt confident about beating Ms Camille's team but they expect to beat everyone else.' So for a while everyone sat and watched the suspects. 'You know,' said Captain Bill,'now that I've had longer to look at them, there is something very suspicious about them.' 'What's that?' asked Norma. ...

'So which event is this?' asked Captain Bill. 'The 400m cold custard limbo relay,' replied Norma, 'but this is just a training session.' 'I...I don't think I've ever heard of that before!' said Captain Bill. 'It's not run very often,'replied Bertha,'it's getting a good custard supplier that's the stumbling block.' 'And the school?' asked Captain Bill. 'Spiffing School for the Wonderfully Athletic.' replied Norma,'they're favorites now that Ms Camille's team isn't here.' 'Right!' said Captain Bill. 'Well it comes as no surprise, they're a right shifty looking bunch! Obviously they're behind the whole scam!' 'Possibly?' replied Norma, 'but I have to say they just look like a nice group of well behaved children to me.' 'Rubbish!' mooed Captain Bill,'there's a clear criminal element to them.' 'Actually,' said...

'On course spread betting?!?' mooed Captain Bill. 'Yep!' replied Cyril. 'At a children's athletics competition?' 'Well people have to make a living,' said Cyril. 'Is it legal?' asked Captain Bill. It is at this one,' replied Cyril,'that's why it's so popular. Big money to be made if you get the right result. Particularly now that the favorites have failed to show.' 'You mean Ms Camille and her little students?' asked Norma. 'That's right,' replied Cyril,'the chap I spoke to said they were heavily fancied in several of the individual events AND for the team trophy.' 'Which means we're undoubtedly looking at a highly complex conspiracy!' said Bertha. 'Unless they just got on the wrong balloon.' suggested Captain Bill. Everyone looked at Captain Bill. 'You're all going to look awfully foolish if I'm right!' he added. Everyone agreed that they were wi...

'So where next?' asked Bertha. 'Hmm,' replied Cyril,'let's try over there.' And so together the two wandered towards a quieter area which was at the end of the main course. 'But we've been here before!' said Bertha. 'I know,' replied Cyril,'but I have my reasons.' What reasons exactly?' asked Bertha. 'Him,' replied Cyril and with the briefest flick of his tail he indicated a man who was standing at the end of one of the tents. 'But he was there last time we were here,' said Bertha. 'And he's still here now!' replied Cyril,'which begs the question why?' 'So what do we do now?' asked Bertha. ' 'We' don't do anything,' replied Cyril,'I'll go over and talk to him on my own.' 'So what shall I do?' asked Bertha. 'I don't mind,' replied Cyril,'you can do whatever you like.' 'But I'm supposed to be helping you!...

'Look,' said Norma,'for the last time. The tennis ball represents Ms Camille and her little students, the table tennis bat is the athletics competition and Annie's false beard is us!' 'So what's Geraldine?' asked Captain Bill. 'She's a Pengyming!' mooed Annie. 'A Pengymengymoo! A Pengywengymengymooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!' 'Did you have to that in my ear?' asked Captain Bill. 'Yes!' replied Annie,'I could do it again if you like, I'd be quite happy to.' 'No thanks!' replied Captain Bill. 'So do I need to go through it again?' asked Norma. 'Don't you normally have some sort of flip chart for these sort of explanations?' said Captain Bill. 'I didn't pack one,' replied Norma. 'Bit of an oversight!' suggested Captain Bill. 'It's because we were on a balloon,' replied Norma,'there's not as much room as there is on a ship!' ...

'Well he was a very nice man!' said Annie as she and Horace ambled along. 'Indeed!' replied Horace. 'He said my false beard was one of the best he'd ever seen,' continued Annie. 'And he liked my mustache,' added Horace. 'Did you twirl it?' asked Annie,'I never think a false mustache is a true false mustache unless you twirl it.' 'I did!' replied Horace,'and we found out some more about Ms Camille.' 'We've done very well!' replied Annie. And for a while they ambled on. 'So what do you think has actually happened to Ms Camille and her little students?' asked Horace after a while. Annie stopped and thought. 'On the whole,' she replied,'I'm leaning towards them having been eaten by giant killer giraffes.' 'Oh no!' exclaimed Horace,'don't say that, that's awful....almost nothing rhymes with giraffe!' 'How about a giant killer armchair?' ask...

'Adventure?' mooed Captain Bill,'why do we have to start referring to it as an adventure?' 'Oh! It's definitely an adventure!' replied Bertha. 'Definitely!' agreed Norma. 'Just because Ms Camille's a bit late?' Bertha and Norma said that that was enough. 'Couldn't she just have got the dates mixed up?' asked Captain Bill. Bertha and Norma looked at each other and then at Captain Bill. 'Well it's possible!' said Captain Bill. 'Not....a......chance!' replied Norma. 'We know an adventure when we see one!' added Bertha. 'So what do you propose that we do now that we're 'in an adventure'?' asked Captain Bill. 'Gather intelligence,' replied Bertha. 'We've already sent out two top undercover agents,' said Norma. 'Top?' questioned Captain Bill. And even Norma was forced to concede that that was pushing it a bit.

'Well we've looked everywhere,' said Bertha. 'They'll turn up!' replied Captain Bill. 'But they haven't so far,' added Norma with more than a note of concern in her voice. 'Look,' said Captain Bill,'it's a big event, we might easily have missed them.' 'Hmm,' replied Norma,'I'm not so sure.' 'Stop worrying!' said Captain Bill,'you always worry too much. We'll find them. They're here somewhere!' 'No they're not!' mooed Annie. Norma, Bertha and Captain Bill stopped talking to each other and looked at Annie, who was still experiencing a rather generous amount of bunting love. 'So you just happen to know that do you?' asked Captain Bill. 'Fact!' replied Annie. 'Really?' said Captain Bill. And Annie nodded her head. 'And,' continued Captain Bill,'you're certain of this crystal clear piece of information because?' 'I asked...

You've not heard from him for a while.....and even now he's working! He's back, he's here..........and you love him! It'ssssssss CYRILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL! Morning mon petite chumlettes, Where I asked myself, where's the one place you might expect to find a teacher and her pupils? Answer: At the beach! Only they're not here! But they could arrive at any moment and so until then I might as well make myself at home. If the young ones are to give a good account of themselves they'll need to be getting a good diet and who better to check out the available food and drink? Rhetorical question....it's me! Now I don't want you thinking that I'm just eating strawberries and drinking a good chilled white. I'm working (note that word, this is all from a sense of duty) my way through the entire beach bar menu! Such selfless sacrifice! Is that a kebab I can smell? Right must get on, do have an enjoyable day....whatever it is that you do?...

'Wellllllllll,' said Norma,'I suppose you could always ask someone.' 'I know it's a bit late in the day,' replied Horace,'but I can't see how they could go ahead without one.' Norma stopped and looked at Horace. 'Actually,' she said,'I think some sporting events do take place without an official poet...and besides they could already have appointed one!' Horace looked crestfallen. 'Perhaps you could just freelance?' suggested Norma. 'And then sell to the highest bidder!' replied Horace. 'Possibly,' said Norma. 'There might even be a book in it,' continued Horace. 'Yes,' said Norma,'although I wouldn't get your hopes up too high and besides, for the moment, you're helping me to find Camille.....which we still don't seem to be managing to do!' And indeed they hadn't despite having covered most of the tents and marques. 'Perhaps they've gone to a poet...

Morning all, your Captain speaking. First chance we've had to have a chat since arriving. I was relieved just to have got us here in one piece! Still no sign of Ms Camille and her troop. I suppose they'll be busy preparing themselves. I imagine that they'll get pretty excited when we turn up! I shall try not to involve myself too much with their athletic training. Perhaps just drop in the odd critical pointer now and again? I see myself more in the role of morale booster and semi official dignitary. Apart from that there'll be the usual worries about the crew embarrassing themselves! I do hope Bertha doesn't get carried away with it all! Then there's Cyril.......and Annie......and Horace! Right, better go and find where Norma's got to! Take care Captain Bill

'Hmmm,' said Norma,'where next?' 'Er?' replied Captain Bill,'over there?' So they both wandered towards another large tent that was very much like the last large tent that they had looked in. 'So what's this all about again?' asked Captain Bill as they herded along. 'Well,' as far as I know,' replied Norma,'it's a sort of very large sports event for students and young people.' 'Right,' said Captain Bill. 'And Camille's students are taking part so she invited us along to cheer them on,' added Norma. 'Excellent!' replied Captain Bill,'well that's the plot recapped if nothing else!' And Norma agreed that it was. 'So what sort of events are there?' asked Captain Bill as they looked around the second tent for any sign of Camille and her little students. 'Well I don't know,' replied Norma,'all the normal ones I suppose. I expect there'll be cake...

Helllooooooooooooooooooooooo! It's me....is that you? I shall assume that it is....if you are someone different then that's probably OK as well! We've arrived! At a somewhere! So far it seems a very friendly place....the bunting has already fallen in love with me. No matter where I go it just leaps out and wraps itself around me. The same sort of thing happens with trees and seaweed. I suppose I must be very lucky to live in a world that has sooooo much love! Anyway, there are lots of people here and some of them are quite small, although they may just be standing in holes, I've not really got close enough to them yet to have a really good look. Also I'm looking forward to seeing Ms.....whateverhernamewas and her minimoos..so it looks like it could be a very nice week indeed. I do hope your Monday is going well, try to find time to count your legs and maybe wrap yourselves up in a great big bit of love as well. Byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee Annie...

'Down a bit,' called out Captain Bill,'down a bit more, up a bit, there that's it!' And Horace scratched a bit of Captain Bill's back. 'Well if you've sorted out your itch?' said Norma.'Perhaps you could lend a hoof in landing the balloon!' 'It looks a very nice island,' mooed Bertha. 'Yes,' replied Norma,'and I'm sure it must be the right place, what with all the flags and bunting!' 'There are people!' said Horace. 'Correct!' replied Norma. 'Will they explode if we touch them?' asked Annie. But Norma assured her that they wouldn't. 'What if we poke them with pointy sticks?' asked Annie. 'Probably best if you don't try,' said Norma. 'Now if we could all just concentrate on landing safely.' 'Would you like to take charge?' asked Captain Bill. But on reflection Norma decided that she'd manage.

Morning everybody! Now the first thing that I should say is please don't try this at home. Dangling from a rope that's tied underneath a balloon is not a good idea, but in our case it would seem like the only option. Actually I'm quite enjoying it, the view is wonderful! I've arranged a few signals with Norma so that they can move me around in different directions and the good news is that I've spotted a large island on the horizon. If all goes well we should be there soon. Right that's all from me. Whatever you're doing today, give it your very best and remember that you have it within you to turn it into a wonderful day, you just have to put the effort into it! And sit up straight and drink lots of water and find time to sit in the sun. Bye for now Bertha

'....don't run into some very thick cloud!' concluded Norma. 'Who said that?' asked Captain Bill. 'I did!' said Norma. 'Who said 'who said that'?' asked Cyril. 'Don't start,' replied Norma. 'Can anybody actually see anything?' asked Bertha. 'No!' said everyone else. 'Tricky!' said Captain Bill. 'I've found a lumpy bit!' mooed Annie. 'We could fall out you know!' replied Cyril. 'I don't think that anybody should try falling out of a balloon,' said Norma. And for a while everyone sat very still. 'Perhaps it'll clear soon?' suggested Horace. 'Possibly,' replied Norma. But it didn't. 'Right,' called out Bertha,'make way, I'm coming down!' Which is exactly what she did!

'But we're going back the way we came!' mooed Captain Bill. 'Well I can't help that!' replied Norma. 'Are we going home then?' asked Annie. 'Not on purpose,' replied Norma.'But we have to go in the direction that the wind in blowing us.' 'Which direction is that exactly?' asked Captain Bill. 'I'm not really very sure,' replied Norma,' I think it's east and west.' Captain Bill drew in a sharp breath. 'Well you know my opinion about that!' he said. 'But as I keep telling you,' replied Norma,'we can't do anything about it!' 'What if we all leaned to one side?' suggested Horace. 'We'd all fall out!' replied Norma. 'Couldn't we row for a while?' said Captain Bill. 'Look!' replied Norma,'we just have to sit tight and wait. We're perfectly safe and we've still got plenty of food and we're not in any danger....just so l...

'Yes, right, yes, every thing's OK 'ere then!' said George. 'Yes,' agreed Norma,'and thank you so much for all your help.' 'No problem,' replied George.'Do you want another cup of tea before you leave?' Several hooves were raised but Norma said they really aught to get going. 'Only we're behind schedule as it is,' called down Bertha. So Norma and Captain Bill climbed into the balloon and the hose that was carrying the hot air was disconnected. 'Bye then,' said George and the balloon lifted slowly into the air. 'Well wasn't he a nice man!' said Norma as the floated higher. 'Weird!' replied Captain Bill. 'Not really,' said Norma. 'Was!' said Captain Bill. 'Well I didn't think so,' said Norma. So Captain Bill called for a show of tails. And Norma lost by five votes to one.