Cow Island

Hello everyone! I have to say I've been a bit confused....it's been a rather quiet week for me. Everyone else seems to be busy with something or other. I couldn't even tempt Annie into coming down to the beach to have a chat with the shrimps and Bertha wanted to get started on a new sculpture. So I've been having a look around the island by myself. I'm pleased to say there's a few spring bulbs coming through at last which is a relief as winter seems to have been twice as long as normal this year. Perhaps we'll get a nice summer to make up for it? Anyway I'd better be getting along. Hope things are going well where you are. Hugs and a hot chocolate Norma.

'What he needs to do,' said Captain Bill, 'is make a gesture.' 'No Cyril!' said Bertha, 'Not that sort!' 'What he needs to do,' said Captain Bill, 'is to get her attention.' Annie raised a hoof. 'Without,' continued Captain Bill, 'the aid of a giant, 400 hundred hoof high, flashing neon knitted sign.' Annie put her hoof down again. 'This was my idea in the first place,' she reminded everyone. 'Perhaps,' suggested Captain Bill, 'he could fight a duel?' 'Does he have his own lipstick,' asked Bertha, 'or would you like me to provide one?' 'You're never going to let that drop are you?' said Captain Bill. 'I wasn't planning to,' replied Bertha. 'Years of mileage in it,' agreed Cyril. 'Wonderful!' said Captain Bill, 'but unless someone has a better idea?' 'Food,' said Cyril. 'You're obsessed aren't you!' said Captain B...

'So on one side,' said Cyril, 'there's the romantic notion of two people being brought together.' 'While on the other,' added Bertha, 'none of us can face another valentines day with the pair of them wandering around looking clinically depressed.' 'I'm with you on the second one,' said Captain Bill. 'Horace has already taken to the cliffs,' continued Bertha. 'Already?' exclaimed Captain Bill. 'How much paper has he got with him?' '5 reams,' replied Cyril, 'I saw him carrying them up there.' 'Which means two weeks of non stop poetry writing, 'said Captain Bill,' and then the horror that is valentines day!' 'When absolutely nothing will happen,' added Cyril. 'So Annie's had an idea,' said Bertha, 'to make sure that this year something actually occurs.' 'Well you can count me in,' said Captain Bill. 'A one, a two, a one, two, three, four!' moo...

'So,' began Captain Bill, 'unless you've all just developed a sudden interest in mending bits of old rope?' 'Which we've not,' said Bertha. 'Then I can safely assume you have another reason for being here?' 'Secret meeting,' replied Bertha. 'Things to discuss,' added Cyril. 'Shall I draw the blinds?' asked Annie. 'Erm?' said Captain Bill. 'Haven't actually got any, what with being outside. Could have some fitted, might cause a bit of a delay though.' 'We'll press on,' said Bertha. And so they did. 'It's about Norma and Horace,' said Bertha. 'What about them?' asked Captain Bill. 'They are but two individuals,' said Cyril. 'Well spotted,' replied Captain Bill. 'No he's not!' mooed Annie. 'He's the only one of us who isn't!' 'Hmm,' said Captain Bill, 'I suspect this may take some time.' And so he went to put the ke...

'There's no denying it!' said Cyril. 'Hmm,' said Bertha, 'it's dangerous territory.' 'But you like a challenge,' said Cyril. 'True,' replied Bertha and she took another look into Annie's ear. 'It's a bit short on detail.' 'I can't rule out having further thinks,' said Annie, 'but it's not likely while I'm standing up.' 'We'll need Bill,' muttered Bertha. 'No plan is perfect,' replied Cyril. 'And Norma is a very good friend of mine,' continued Bertha, 'and I've never been entirely convinced it would be in her best interests.' 'Sometimes,' said Cyril, 'these things are beyond reason.' 'Indeed,' conceded Bertha, 'and you'll behave?' 'As best I can,' replied Cyril. 'OK!' said Bertha And so two became three...plus Geraldine...who's simply trying to be helpful.

'Hello!' said Annie. Geraldine very kindly half opened one of Cyril's eyes and gave him a wave. 'Hello,' said Cyril. 'What are you doing?' asked Annie. 'Mid afternoon, intersnack snoozing,' replied Cyril and his eye closed again. 'You probably don't want to be disturbed then?' said Annie. Cyril rolled over and swished his tail around for while. 'But I suspect I'm going to be,' he replied. 'I've had a think!' said Annie and she lent across so Cyril could see into her ear. 'Hmm,' said Cyril, who stood up and shook himself. 'That's looking like rather a good one.' 'One of my best,' mooed Annie. 'Will there be larks?' asked Cyril. 'And japes,' said Annie. 'Giggles?' asked Cyril. And Annie nodded. 'Then Sir Cyril of Plottingshire is at your disposal!' said Cyril. And with that the two conspirators moved on....with Geraldine not far behind them...because she is ...

Helloooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!* Annie here! Now as my regular reader will know I take my thinks very seriously. In the past I've been happy to advise you to have thinks by following the 'hanging upside down' method. But think research moves on and I'm very pleased to announce the arrival of a brand new idea that's been especially tailored towards the 'big think'. Small thinks tend to happen quite easily but big thinks have always presented more of a problem and so for that reason I've now switched to, what I'm calling, the 'Swinging Penguin with a boxing glove on the end of a long stick' method. Now I know what you're thinking (small think), you're thinking, that's alright for you Miss Smartyhooves but what if I don't have access to a long stick? Well you can always improvise, perhaps by using two short sticks tied together or a lid prop from a c1842 John Broadwood and Sons Grand Piano. The important thing is to...

'I'm really not happy about this,' said Captain Bill. 'Well I think it'll peel off,' replied Norma. 'No,' said Captain Bill, 'I meant about this whole business.' 'You mean Cow Island Monday?' replied Norma. 'I think it sounds like a wonderful idea for fans of Cow Island to do their bit to help bring Cow Island to a wider audience and also be in with a chance of winning a quite wonderful prize which will include original illustrations from this very blog!' 'You're reading from a script aren't you?' said Captain Bill. 'It's just notes really,' replied Norma. 'But the point is the Great Pencil would like to ask all our fans to do something on Monday to help to promote us. They could just tell someone they know or tweet or blog about us, anything really, just to help to spread the silliness a little wider.' Captain Bill stopped and looked at Norma. 'He's not...he's not trying to get the ...

'And then, because I asked him nicely, Cyril ironed my hoof mittens for me.' 'Really?' asked Norma. 'Mmm,' said Annie, 'and I fed him bits of cake on a stick.' 'Well...,' said Norma,'....that sounds like a nice way to spend an afternoon.' 'It was,' replied Annie, 'in fact I'd say, so far, it's been a pretty exciting start to the year.' 'Indeed,' said Norma, 'what with new hoof mittens and a new helter skelter record you seem to be off to a real flier!' Annie nodded. 'If it keeps going on like this I might well explode before the summer.' 'Best avoided if at all possible,' suggested Norma. 'Perhaps,' agreed Annie, 'in which case it would seem to be a good idea to shelve my plans to have 2 Januarys in a row.' 'I think it would be sensible,' replied Norma. 'Which means it will be Februauauaury next,' said Annie. 'Yes,' replied Norma, 'and you ...

Ladies ....and ladies. You've missed him, you've pined for him, you've wondered how you were going to cope? But now he's back, he's cuddly, he's lovely, it'sssssssssssssss CYRILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!! Morning chumlettes So long since we've had a chat! Is it possible that 2011 finds me even more handsome? I think it does! I feel this is mostly due to my innate inner perfectness. That and my willingness to indulge in a self imposed eating and drinking regime that is not for the faint hearted. And may I take this opportunity to remark on your own fine looks. Is that a new hair style I spy? I believe it is! Remember, when you're out there, flounce that hair, own that street, make those heads turn...and maybe make yourself an 'I love Cyril badge', you know you won't be the only one! Right, I must away, there are 15 sausage sandwiches with my name on them! Hugs, snogs.....extra hugs! Cyril FANCY OWNING SOME ORIGINAL CO...

'And so ,' continued Annie, 'I would like to thank my hooves, Norma, people who make scrummy cake, Bertha, a park bench called George, Captain Eyepatch, Geraldine and my chum Cyril.' Cyril gave Annie a round of applause. 'A most excellent speech,' he said. 'I made it up out of words,' replied Annie, 'I still have 2 'thes', 4 'ands' and a 'ahem' left over if you'd like to use them?' Cyril thought about it. 'I'll take 1 the, 1 and and the ahem, if that's alright?' 'It's a deal!' mooed Annie. 'Brilliant!' said Cyril. 'Now shall we eat the cup?' Annie nodded. 'If there's anything better than a cup, it's a cup made out of chocolate,' she added. 'Indeed,' agreed Cyril, 'but then we should have a look at your mittens and make sure they're drying properly.' 'I think so,' said Annie, 'I wouldn't want the stripes to run.' 'Can...

'I know it wasn't anyone's fault,' began Norma, 'I just thought that to help to keep the peace you could just say that you were sorry.' Annie stared at Norma. 'I've lost a mitten.' 'It's on the pier,' replied Norma, 'Cyril's gone to collect it, but if you could just explain that it was an accident. You know how Captain Bill gets himself all worked up over these sorts of things.' 'Mittens!' mooed Annie and she stampeded off towards the pier. Norma sighed. Bertha arrived. 'I saw the whole thing,' she said, 'he was clearly standing in the wrong place, he never learns.' 'Yes, quite possibly,' conceded Norma, 'but I'm just trying to do my bit smooth things over and I'm pretty sure Cyril did stick a hoof out.' 'Well he shouldn't have been standing there,' said Bertha. 'No,' replied Norma, 'but I don't think there's anything to be gained by letting these ...

'Madness!' mooed Captain Bill. 'Well I did try to warn you,' replied Norma. 'I thought they'd have trouble stopping.' 'They could have killed someone,' said Captain Bill, '...me in particular!' 'Oh no!' replied Norma. 'They wouldn't have done that...their time wouldn't have counted if they'd killed someone...it's in the rules.' 'That's a fine comfort,' said Captain Bill. 'Well no harm done really,' replied Norma, 'and look I've managed to find a towel for you.' 'Thanks,' said Captain Bill. 'And I think we'd better have a look at that hat of yours as well,' 'It's all soggy,' said Captain Bill. 'There, there,' replied Norma, 'not to worry, it'll dry, although I think we aught to do that somewhere else. I'm really not sure that Geraldine should be using a dryer down on the beach.' 'And the Octopus?' asked Captain Bill. ...

'I said stand back!'

'He needs to get out more,' mooed Captain Bill. 'Oh, I think that's unfair,' said Norma. 'Well honestly,' replied Captain Bill. 'It's just the way he feels sometimes,' said Norma. 'Artistic people are like that.' 'All I'm saying is that if he wants to get something published he'll need to lighten up a bit. If you ask me he should still give the limericks a go.' 'I just don't think it's him,' replied Norma, 'and he does write happier pieces sometimes.' 'Perhaps an occasional knock knock joke,' suggested Captain Bill, 'if he could make them rhyme?' 'Hmm,' replied Norma, 'anyway I think it might be best if we concentrate on what we're supposed to be doing. I thought Annie did very well.' 'Can't disagree on that,' replied Captain Bill. 'So are they going for the 2 person?' 'Annie said they'd just make the one run and give it their all....so...

SURVIVING WINTER Any fool might pass a summer's day For the sun is for all It takes no hero To lay in the long grass And lose an idle hour In a dream But the dark days of winter Must also be lived When, cold set Loneliness, tight fitted Wears close to the skin And in the silent hours Tears run free and fall And the earth made damp Awaits the warmth of spring Thank you Horace

'So she gets 5 attempts?' asked Captain Bill. 'Well she's only going for the island record,' replied Norma, 'it's only at international level that it's reduced to 3.' 'She's still going to need to pick up a bit though,' said Captain Bill. 'Mmm,' replied Norma, 'although it takes a couple of runs to get the mittens up to temperature. I wouldn't be surprised if she really went for it on the next one.' 'I have to say she did a good wave on the last run.' 'That's the thing I was never any good at,' said Norma. 'It upsets your whole balance, that's why it's always been a part of the compulsory routine. It's a real test of your skill.' 'And there was talk of a 2 person attempt?' 'That's just a bit of fun really,' replied Norma, 'Cyril said he'd be up for it if Annie wanted to have a go.' 'I might have a go myself sometime,' said Captain Bill. ...

'Ready?' asked Bertha. 'Ready!' said Annie. 'Hat tie secure?' asked Bertha. Annie nodded. 'Mittens nice and comfy?' Annie nodded again and waved them at Bertha. 'Cyril is reporting conditions as 'nice and slidy',' added Bertha, 'and almost entirely downhill.' 'Excellent!' mooed Annie, 'particularly about the downhill bit because it helps quite a lot but I think we'll still start with a test run at half slidiness just to be on the safe side.' 'It's your call,' replied Bertha. 'Well I'm allowed it under section 3, paragraph 4 of the rulebook,' mooed Annie. 'Then I think you'd be foolish not to,' replied Bertha. And so with that Bertha blew her whistle and Annie pushed off.

'I thought you only had to have one person at the bottom,' said Captain Bill. 'No they've changed it,' replied Norma. 'You have to have one at the top and two at the bottom.' 'Interesting,' mooed Captain Bill. 'So Bertha will start her off and you and I will be at the finish.' 'Cyril?' 'He'll go down first to polish the track.' 'Clever!' said Captain Bill. 'Well I think we sometimes forget just how good Annie is at this,' replied Norma. 'You know she considered turning professional at one point.' 'True,' said Captain Bill, 'and the hoof mittens?' 'Completely legal,' replied Norma. 'Annie wouldn't cheat at this, she takes it too seriously.' 'And Horace?' 'He's busy,' replied Norma, 'but he's agreed to do a new poem for Friday.' 'Something cheerful?' asked Captain Bill. 'Now don't start!' said Norma.

Helloooooooooooooooooooooooo!* It's me...Annie Now sometimes, perhaps once every 5 minutes or so, Norma (my best friend) will say something like 'what do you think of this hat?' and I'll reply, 'what do I care, let's go for a paddle'. But it must be said that some items of clothing are more important than others and none more so than a nice quad of hoof mittens. Basically you have a choice of two types, stripes or spots. Which one you go for depends a lot on what occasion you're wearing them to. As will be proved later this week stripes are best for setting new records on your local helter skelter or perhaps a winter wedding or a trip to the theatre. Spotted mittens are better suited for long walks, parties or, at a push, when organising a coup d'etat against an aggressive foreign power. ALWAYS wear long hoof mittens and feel free to join a few together to make them extra long if necessary. Finally for finding suppliers of hoof mittens I'd sugges...

Hello everyone! I know it's a bit late, but Happy New Year to you all. Did you have a good time? I'm told I did...which is a bit embarrassing but after all a party's supposed to be enjoyed. I have to say I'm already looking forward to our cruise. It'll be sooo nice to be at sea without having to worry about steering or navigating or hitting anything or sinking. As for things that will be coming up rather sooner than that, well next week will be pretty exciting for all you sports fans. I realise that not many of you will have taken part in competition helter skeltering but there's never been a better time to get involved! Actually Annie asked me to say that bit. It's the arrival of her new hoof mittens that's got her all a fluster but I think she'll be talking more about them on Monday. Well, have a nice weekend...maybe if you find yourself stuck for something to do, you could buy a landscape painting. I was asked to say that as well. Honestly do you ...

'A cruise!' gasped Norma. 'If you don't fancy it,' replied Captain Bill, 'I can cancel...no problem.' 'Don't you dare!' mooed Bertha. 'And it's all paid for and everything?' asked Norma. 'Erm...yes!' replied Captain Bill. 'Oh, it's a wonderful present!' said Norma, 'and so thoughtful!' 'Well it just goes to show,' said Captain Bill. 'And it says we can eat and drink as much as we like!' pointed out Bertha. 'Really?' said Captain Bill. 'Well I'm sure you don't have to.' 'And we get to travel to new places and see new things...it's just perfect!' said Norma. 'Often overrated though,' replied Captain Bill, 'you might decide you'd rather just give the whole thing a miss....maybe just stay at home instead.' 'Not a chance,' said Bertha. 'Well...glad you like,' said Captain Bill, 'although it won't be until later in the...

'Well again, thank you,' said Norma. 'For walking you about for a bit?' asked Horace. 'No,' replied Norma, 'although it's kind of you to do so and it's more than Captain Bill was prepared for. I meant about finding this.' 'It wasn't a problem,' replied Horace. 'I would have been so upset if I'd lost it,' continued Norma, 'it's such a nice hat.' 'I just found it when I was out walking,' replied Horace. 'I think it must have fallen off when I was dancing,' said Norma, 'I think I did quite a bit of dancing.' 'You did,' replied Horace. 'I just wish I hadn't had so much wine!' 'Mmm,' said Horace. 'Sometimes I think I should have someone to look after me,' said Norma. But Horace said nothing and so for a while they walked on in silence...until they met a penguin. 'Oh!' said Norma. 'Geraldine seems to have made something?' 'It's for yo...

'How's it going?' asked Bertha. 'Unofficially we're under 30 seconds,' replied Annie. 'That's Cyril assisted though?' asked Bertha. 'He's only giving me the littlest push,' replied Annie, 'mostly it's because of these!' And at this point Annie waved 4 of the softest, warmest and undoubtedly stripiest hoof mittens that anyone had ever seen. 'It's the stripes that make you go faster,' mooed Annie. 'Cyril had them especially made just for meeeeeeeee! They're the bestest present ever!.' 'Hmm,' said Bertha, 'I think we can look forward to the Helter Skelter records being broken then.' And Annie nodded in agreement. 'Anyway,' continued Bertha, 'if you could both spare a few minutes, Eyepatch wants us.' 'But it's Helter Skelter time!' said Annie. 'There is an unopened present,' added Bertha. 'PRESENTS!' mooed Annie. And she ran off in the general dire...

'We've said we're sorry,' said Bertha. 'And that's supposed to be good enough is it?' mooed Captain Bill. 'Ask him to stop shouting,' said Norma. 'Could you stop shouting?' 'I'm not!' 'He's not.' 'Ooooooooh!' moaned Norma. 'It wasn't deliberate,' began Bertha, 'we just...' '...got as far as opening Cyril's Christmas present and then the whole week fell to pieces!' finished Captain Bill. 'It was very good wine,' said Bertha. 'Could you ask him to stop moving,' said Norma. 'Could you stop moving?' 'I'm not!' 'He's not.' 'Oooooooooh!' said Norma. 'Look,' said Bertha, 'we should have opened your present. It was very wrong of us not to do so. So we'll round up everybody else and have a proper moment just for you.' 'Hmm,' said Captain Bill, 'I've a good mind to simply cancel it.' 'You wi...

'Bertha!' mooed Norma. 'Mmmmm?' said Bertha. 'S'all dark!' 'Tis,' said Bertha. Bertha!' said Norma. 'Mmmmm?' said Bertha. 'Whattimeisit?' '2011.' 'So....did we....did we have a party then...to celebrate the New Year?' 'I think we must have!' replied Bertha. 'Bertha!' called Norma. 'Mmmmm?' 'I....I can't feel my hooves.' 'Must have been dancing,' suggested Bertha. 'Naughty hooves!' mooed Norma. 'Although that would account for where the gramophone is.' 'Where's that?' asked Bertha. 'I'd rather not say,' replied Norma. 'Bertha!' said Norma. 'Mmmmm?' replied Bertha. 'If...if I have a little nap...would you wake me up?' 'When?' asked Bertha. 'April,' said Norma.