Cow Island

He's here! He's feeling extra lovable! And he's stayed awake just for you! Ittt'ssssssssssssssssss CYRILLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!! Morning chums, Let's be honest, me laying on a bed, eating trifle........you'll not get that image out of your head for a good while...and neither should you want to! I don't know who's room this is....mine now I suppose! I should probably get some extra cushions and get the drapes changed, but all in good time. So far I've managed to have a nice quiet time, apart from when young Annie wandered through dressed in an assortment of silly hats, but she seemed perfectly happy and that's what counts, well that and a good meal every hour or so. Luckily there's a sort of rope pulley thing which seems to produce regular quantities of sandwiches and cake. Maybe I'll order some cake sandwiches?! Right, time for a nap, I've been awake for a good 15 minutes. Your mate Cyril

'But it just doesn't speak to me!' mooed Bertha. 'I think it's quite nice,' replied Horace. 'But it's too staid,' continued Bertha, 'sculpture should challenge the viewer...I'd have taken a completely different approach!' 'Hmmm, I think you're taking it all a bit too seriously,' replied Horace. 'After all everybody has the right to see the world around them in their own fashion and anyway I think it's good of them to have a little museum onboard. You should just try to relax and enjoy it.' 'Enjoy it! exclaimed Bertha. 'It's a perfectly justifiable approach,' replied Horace,'just to enjoy something. It doesn't always have to be some overblown artistic struggle.' Bertha huffed. 'The paintings are just the same,' she added, 'dull, dull, dull...and everyone a landscape!' 'I think that one's pretty,' suggested Horace. 'OH PRETTY!' replied Bertha,...

'And then you have to turn a switch and release the elastic band and it fires!' explained Captain Bill. 'Well I 'ave to say that clearly your knowledge of big cannons is 2nd to none!' said Camille. And her little students waved their tails in agreement. 'Only to be expected,' replied Captain Bill. 'A lifetime as a top, heroic, duel fighting Captain is bound to bring about a certain understanding of all things nautical!' 'And you're quite sure that Marie Clare is safe being stuck down the pointy end?' asked Camille. 'Not a problem,' replied Captain Bill. 'Only if she got fired out of it I suspect she would get pretty splatified,' added Camille,'which while clearly serious for 'er is also almost certainly a sackable offence for yours truly.' 'Really?' asked Captain Bill. 'Don't you believe it!' replied Camille. 'You couldn't even begin to guess at the 'oops teachers of litt...

Hellloooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!* Annie here! As Norma (my best friend) may have already pointed out, as we've got a bit of 'down time', we're having a gentle explore around Mr Sir King Very Rich Person's ship. Now it's very important that you don't view this as just a weak excuse for us to dress up in a few funny hats to pad out the week's blogs.....because that would just be so very, very, very wrong. Anyway, here I am in a funny hat. I don't know who's it is. Norma (still my best friend, little time has passed) thinks that it might belong to a general or a head Gardener (on a ship?). My suggestion that it could just be a part of a big dressing up box has been ignored. For fashion watchers, Geraldine is modelling some sort of nice long sleeved blue coat with braiding. With winter approaching I think I'll advise her to try to hang onto it. Right, time to get on, thank you for your attention......tired now! Annie * Today's...

Hello everyone, Norma here. Such a lot seems to have happened since we last spoke! I mean it's all very well having adventures but there's a lot to be said for just putting your hooves up and enjoying a nice cup of tea and a chat. So how have you been? You look well I must say, but a bit tired. I suppose you're rushing about as usual! Hopefully we'll be able to have a few lazy days onboard King Otto's ship. There's certainly plenty of room for everyone. I think I might just find a quiet hammock and snooze for a day or two. Although I think everyone else wants to have a bit of an explore! Well I do hope you have a nice weekend and do try to find a little 'me' time. Hugs Norma

THE DUEL Here read the tale of Captain Bill And give yourself a jolly thrill Of how he fought and slightly won A duel beneath the noon day sun Against the pirate chief he struggled By then the plot was quite well muddled To defend a pretty lady He risked his life...well partly...maybe He threw himself on evil forces Though he was armed with scant resources He was a wonder, full of zeal As he defended wee Camille That classy foreign sassy hip chick With a pointy bright red lipstick And so he triumphed on the day And made the nasty pirates pay Which left the world in better shape Until the rotten sheep escaped .

Right, are we all sitting uncomfortably? Good! Queen Phoebe here and not wearing the happy face! Really there used to be a time when One could lock up a load of villains and expect them to stay put! Of course this'll be all over the papers for weeks! And who'll get the blame? My Hubbie that's who! And he's such a dear sweet little thing. You know sometimes One likes to sit of an evening and just look at 'im. Anyway enough of the shared private info. The point is it's a knighthood or an earldom (your choice, not sure what the difference is, no cash alternative) for information received. Thank you. Actually, while I'm here, could I just remind you that nothing cheers his little Regalcrowness like a prezzie or several. So do be good subjects and send 'im something...right now....go on, off you go and don't forget to use some nice paper....and a bit of ribbon. Your Queenie PS Whatever tax you're paying, it wouldn't hurt to pay a bit more......

'Ah, there you are!' said Camille. 'I just thought I'd give her highness a little sea room,' replied Captain Bill. 'Very wise' said Camille,'I myself thought you were very brave to tell the Queen about the pirate sheep escaping.' 'I'm afraid she didn't take the news very well.' replied Captain Bill. 'Indeed,' agreed Camille,'I was with Norma when you were telling 'er majesty and all we could 'ear was a lot of 'igh pitched, hysterical, girly screaming.' 'Yes,' replied Captain Bill,'.......sorry about that....she had my head in an arm lock.' 'Still it is all over now,' continued Camille. 'Mmm,' said Captain Bill,'I think the idea now is that we'll all stay together onboard the flagship and you'll get dropped off first.' 'Which mean you'll still get to see where myself and ma little students live.' 'I'm looking forward to it already!'...

On King Otto's flagship Captain Bill peered gingerly into the brig. 'And you've had a really thorough look?' he asked quietly. Bertha stared at him. 'Just asking!' said Captain Bill,'.......what about......in the corners?' 'You mean on the off chance that there's a flock of pirate sheep hiding there?' suggested Bertha. 'I don't think there's any need for that tone,' replied Captain Bill. 'So....based on the evidence...I can't help thinking....they've escaped!' 'That would account for their absence,' said Bertha. Captain Bill sighed. 'I don't suppose anyone saw anything?' he asked. 'In the middle of one of our parties?' replied Bertha. 'Fair point!' replied Captain Bill, 'well.....tricky situation!' 'And their balloon's gone as well,' added Bertha. 'Hmmmm,' said Captain Bill,'....trickier.' 'And nobodies told Queen Phoebe yet,' ad...

'Norma!..........Norma!' called out Camille,'.............Norma, Norma, Norma!' 'Bonjour!' replied Norma sleepily. 'Oh! Thank you!' said Camille. 'Mon pleasurable,' replied Norma. 'Norma,' asked Camille,'Norma, Norma, Norma......why is little Etienne all upside down?' 'Sorrydon'tknow!' replied Norma. '..............................................................................OK!' said Camille. 'Norma,' said Camille. 'Bonjour deux,' said Norma. 'Ma 'ooves ache!' said Camille. 'That'llbethedancing,' said Norma. 'Oh!' said Camille. 'Norma,' said Camille. 'Oui?' said Norma. 'You know that you and Bertha and Annie and 'orace and Cyril and Capitaine Bill and Geraldine....you are ma bestest friends.' 'Sverykindofyoutosayso,' said Norma. 'Norma,' said Camille. But Norma didn't answer because she had fallen asleep again.

'So that is it?' said Camille. 'The end of our adventure?' 'It always feels a bit sad when it happens,' replied Norma, 'but you soon get over it.' 'And then you 'ave another?' asked Camille. 'It seems to be that way,' said Norma. 'I don't think myself or ma little students could take so much excitement,' replied Camille., 'I think all we want to do now is go 'ome and rest our 'ooves in some long wet grass.' 'Well we still have the Mootilus,' said Norma, 'and the pirate balloon, so we can give you a lift if you would like?' 'That would be most welcome,' said Camille. 'But,' called out Bertha who was herding past them, 'I'm afraid that might have to wait a while.' 'But why?' asked Camille. 'Because,' replied Annie, 'before we go any further there's one thing that we simply have to do!' 'And that is?' asked Camille. 'PARTY!!...

'And so,' continued Queen Phoebe,'on behalf of his little class mates, Jean Claude will now accept this certificate of bravery which has been signed by my hubby...just there, that's his signature.....isn't it lovely...it's just like the rest of him!' And everyone agreed that it was a lovely signature. 'Right,' said Queen Phoebe,'is that it? Can we have cake now?' At this point Captain Bill gave a small cough. 'Oh right,' said Queen Phoebe,'well if we have to!? In recognition of having fought a duel with the pirate captain...' 'With a lipstick!' called out Bertha. 'It still counts!' mooed Captain Bill. 'Well anyway,' said Queen Phoebe,'because of blah, blah, blah, you know the story. Here is a Royal scroll type thing what means you are now a proper captain again.' Captain Bill took the Royal scroll type thing and everyone applauded. 'So do you really think that will be OK with the insp...

He's been sitting this one out. You've been wondering where he is??? But now he's back! The one....the only......... Iiiitttttttttttttt'ssssssssssss CYRILLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!! Morning fans! I've been having a siesta...did I miss anything?? No doubt my chums will soon bring me up to speed. I suspect there may be more than one version, there usually is in these matters. My money 's on Norma's account being accurate and little Annie's being bizarre but entertaining I notice the arrival of King Otto's flagship. Will there be a well stocked galley onboard? I suspect there will be! So perhaps it's time for me to take a short paddle. A danger to shipping I realise but still...needs must! And with this many stomachs I really do have needs. Until we eat again Your squeeze Sir Cyril of Beachfordshire

'And then I fought a duel!' continued Captain Bill. 'With a lipstick,' added Bertha. 'It still counts!' said Captain Bill. 'So I thought it would make a great subject for a poem.' 'Possibly?' replied Horace weakly. 'And you could write it!' suggested Captain Bill. 'It would make me.....and you of course, famous!' 'Yes!' agreed Horace. 'Just one last poem before I depart.' 'Are you going somewhere then?' asked Captain Bill. 'I'm dying,' gasped Horace. 'He got hit by a cushion,' said Bertha. 'Oh dear!' said Captain Bill. 'There's a slight bruise,' added Bertha. Captain Bill leaned forward to take a look. 'Oh, I see it!' he said. 'It's just there!' 'OW!' mooed Horace. 'Sorry about that,' said Captain Bill, '...............so any chance then.....of a poem.' 'I'll think about it,' sighed Horace. 'Great!' said ...

'Lads are feeling a bit down now,' said Lefty. 'Understandable,' replied Flossie, '..........if you could just give me a bit more room?' 'Small brig,' pointed out Lefty. 'True,' replied Flossie,'very true! Still we'll be OK! There are worse places and situations. We've not got much to complain about.' 'My fleece got all wet!' called out a sheep from the back. 'And I've lost my teddie!' bleated another. Flossie glanced around. 'Did you want to have a word with him about that?' asked Lefty. 'Not just now,' replied Flossie, 'doesn't seem like the right time somehow.' 'Perhaps for the best,' said Lefty. 'Mmmmm,' replied Flossie, 'and anyway while I've got this lipstick on me....' 'Colour suits you though,' said Lefty. 'Really?' asked Flossie, 'I thought something with more of a deeper base....not that it really matters........so anybody...

On the deck of King Otto's flagship small people and large people were being reunited. 'Oh!' cried Camille, 'ma little students are safe at last! 'Ow can I ever thank you?' Inside Annie's head a giant purple Hippopotamus made out of cake did a little dance and pointed at itself 'You know,' continued Camille before Annie could properly reply, 'I think maybe with a bit of studying you too could become a teacher one day!' And the minimoos waved their tails in agreement. 'Well I did teach the shrimps to knit,' said Annie, 'and I once taught Mr Sir Cyril how to stick all four of his hooves into his ears at the same time.' 'You know that's pretty much the 1st year's course taken care of already!' replied Camille. 'Knitting is something I strongly encourage. Although obviously you 'ave to draw the line at setting up some sort of workshop in which the students work for eleventy billion hours a day just...

'Cooooooeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!' called out Queen Phoebe. 'Over here!' shouted Bertha from the balloon. 'Are you all OK?' asked Queen Phoebe. 'Just one very minor injury,' replied Bertha. 'But I'm dying!' mooed Horace....but everyone ignored him. 'Excellent!' said Queen Phoebe. 'We think the sheep have had enough.' said Norma. And indeed they had, for as a result of the hole that Gertie had made in the bottom of it, the Mint Sauce was sinking fast. 'Abandon ship!' bleated Lefty. 'Spread out lads! Try to use more than one lifeboat!' called out Flossie from the Mootilus. But the flock ignored him and all clambered into the same one. 'They never listen!' said Flossie. 'How true,' agreed Captain Bill. 'Right,' said Queen Phoebe,'well if it's alright with everyone else, we'll pick up the evil little blighters first....only the press always like a few piccies of the cuffs going on a...

Flossie had hit the mast of the Mootilus and landed with a flop onto the deck. There followed 'a moment' when all onboard had quietly taken in the new situation....it didn't last. 'You've made a hole on our sail!' mooed Captain Bill. 'Sorry about that!' bleated Flossie,'recoil on Gertie was a bit more than I expected.' 'Oh!' exclaimed Camille,'it is just as I always 'oped it would be. The two central figures of our story brought together at last! Finally there will be a duel!' 'Ermmmm, hang on!' said Captain Bill. 'No!' continued Camille,'the moment 'as arrived. Evil must be defeated and 'ere is the opportunity. Before you stands the pirate capitaine armed to the teeth with a.....with a?' 'Bit of rope,' suggested Captain Bill. 'Ow ironic!' replied Camille. 'I was just trying to grab hold of something,' explained Flossie. 'Still it is a dangerous weapon,' s...

'Norma?'gasped Horace,'Norma are you there?' 'I'm here!' said Norma. 'Norma,'whispered Horace, 'if this is it...if this is the end, there's something I'd like you to know, something I've always been meaning to tell you.' 'Yes?' said Norma. 'I'd still like you to try to get my poetry published!' Norma swallowed deeply. 'Horace,' she said. 'Yes?' said Horace. 'You got hit by a cushion....NOW GET UP AND DO SOMETHING USEFUL!' And with that Norma turned and herded off towards the other end of the balloon. 'Well that's a bit stiff!' mooed Horace after her. But nobody agreed with Horace.

'Reporting Gertie all ready and loaded,' bleated Lefty. 'Good lads!' shouted Flossie and he gambolled over for a closer look. 'What's that big thing sticking out the end?' he asked. 'Bolster,' replied Lefty. 'Not really a cushion,' said Flossie. 'Lads were hoping you wouldn't mind,' replied Lefty. 'Is it starched?' asked Flossie. But Lefty said it wasn't. '........OK then!' said Flossie. And the crew bleated in delight. 'What else is in there?' asked Flossie. 'Just cushions,' said Lefty. 'They've taken my Teddy Bear!' called out a sheep at the back. 'Haven't put it in,' assured Lefty. 'Teddy Bear!!!' exclaimed Flossie. 'Been meaning to have a word with you about that,' said Lefty. 'Too right we will!' replied Flossie,'still it'll have to wait for the moment. Now how much powder has Hookey put in?' 'A bit,' replied Lefty. 'Ho...

'And then,' said Captain Bill, 'these people turned up, inspectors they called themselves.' 'Well look,' interrupted Camille, 'I'm like not objecting to 'earing your entire life story but I'm thinking now is maybe not the best time!' 'But the point is,' continued Captain Bill, 'the point is....' 'The point is we 'ave a pirate ship to capture!' said Camille. 'Erm?' said Captain Bill. 'There isn't no 'erming' about it,' said Camille, 'now 'ow do we make Monsieur Mootilus go faster? That's what I'd like to know!' 'You don't know?' asked Captain Bill. 'Why should I?' said Camille. 'Well you managed to put the sail up,' said Captain Bill, 'and you're steering.' 'Well any fool could manage that much!' mooed Camille. '......Actually,' said Captain Bill.

Aboard the Mint Sauce the excitement had risen to quite considerable levels. 'Reporting balloon now in range,' said Lefty. 'Well done me hearties!' shouted Flossie. 'Permission to fire Gertie?' asked Lefty. 'Well,' replied Flossie,'....possibly.' And there was a general muttering and rumbling of not happiness within the flock. 'Lads are a bit excited,' said Lefty,'it's been a long time since they fired Gertie. Lads'd be a bit upset if they couldn't.' 'I understand, I understand,' replied Flossie,'but as you say, it's been a long time...and there's been a bit of an update on the old health and safety.' And shouts of 'Who cares!' and 'What time is it?' were heard from the flock. 'Lads are looking worried,' said Lefty. 'No need,' replied Flossie,'I'm sure it'll be just a formality. Now what are you proposing to load Gertie with?' 'Grapeshot!...

Right, hello, Bertha speaking, I'm up here in the balloon, you might just be able to see me? I have to say it's a very nice balloon, these pirates have a real sense of design and build quality. Anyway where doing our best to go as fast as possible...bit difficult in a balloon....which means the pirate sheep are catching us up! Now I'm all for turning around and taking them on...which as Norma pointed out is also a bit difficult to do when you're in a balloon. But rest assured if it comes to a fight I'll be there! Thankfully Camille's little students are as brave a herd as one could wish for and we'll be fully able to count on them as well. Just so long as it doesn't coincide with their nap time. I can also report that the Mootilus is on her way, trailing in 3rd place but with a sail up and going in the right direction...I'll leave you to decide what help that might be!!! Well what ever happens now, we'll give a good account of ourse...

'But you've got to come!' mooed Captain Bill. 'Sorry,' said Cyril,' but you need to be as fast as possible. I'd just slow you down.' 'But that just leaves me and Camille!' said Captain Bill. 'I'm sure you'll be very happy together,' replied Cyril. But she doesn't know anything about sailing!' said Captain Bill. 'Great!' said Cyril. 'You've already got so much in common!' 'But she doesn't know that I'm not a proper C...A...P...T...A...I...N anymore,' whispered Captain Bill. Cyril stopped pushing the Mootilus. 'Really?' he asked. 'I'd have thought she'd worked that out a long time ago.' 'Which means I shouldn't really be sailing,' continued Captain Bill. 'But you are!' replied Cyril. 'So bon voyage to the both of you.' and he gave the Mootilus one last shove. 'All you need to do is sink the pirates and you'll be a hero!' he...

'Well yes, I grant you, in retrospect, it would have been a good idea to have asked them where they left the Mootilus,' said Captain Bill. 'You know, I think this is just the sort of numptyness that Norma tried to warn me about!' replied Camille. 'Well not to worry,' said Captain Bill,'Cyril won't take long to find it.' ''e 'as some idea where it might be?' asked Camille. 'No,' replied Captain Bill,'but he has a nose, that and the knowledge that there'll be at least one tin of tin of emergency cake onboard.' 'BURP!' said Cyril from a distance. 'He's found it!' said Captain Bill and he and Camille set off in the direction of the sound. 'So soon we will be underway!' mooed Camille as they herded along. 'Should be!' replied Captain Bill. ''Excellent!' said Camille.'You know I may have been a little bit 'ard on you over this 'hole escaping thing but now ...