Cow Island

'Really!' bleated Flossie as he ran along,'there used to be a time when you could leave a balloon around without having to even place a guard on it!' 'People just don't seem to have any respect these days,' agreed Lefty. 'Anyway lads,' called out Flossie,'we can catch 'em up! The Mint Sauce is still the quickest ship on the high seas.' 'Lads are looking forward to a chase!' bleated Lefty. 'Good lads, brave lads,'puffed Flossie,'and seeing as how the need is pressing, just for once, while we're on the way to the harbour, I'll turn a blind eye to the whole running with swords and pointy things issue.' 'What about muskets?' called out a sheep from the back. 'Well,' replied Flossie,'obviously because of pressure of circumstances I would say any general personal weapon would be covered.' 'What about a cannon?' called out another sheep. 'A cannon?' replied Flossie,...

Meanwhile an escape was taking place.... 'All aboard!' called down Annie from the balloon,'plenty more room up front!' 'Actually,' said Norma,'there is more room but it's going to make us very heavy.' 'Best be on your way then!' said Bertha,'we can follow on in the Mootilus.' 'Well we can take one more.' said Norma. And Bertha held the ladder for Camille. 'No, no!' exclaimed Camille,'I cannot! I beg of you, carry ma little students to safety. I shall remain 'ere and watch Captain Bill fight to the death with the despicable pirate captain!' 'Pardon?!?' mooed Captain Bill. 'It is your destiny!' said Camille,'you will die like an 'ero, I shall mourn you...but obviously for not too long because I'm like still quite young.' 'She's very foreign at times isn't she!' said Captain Bill. And Bertha nodded. 'Well we can't hang around,' called down Norma...

'And they say it's got claws the size of cups!' 'Lads, lads,' said Flossie,'lads, there's no such thing as a weresheep.' 'Lads are very spooked now Flossie,' suggested Lefty. 'That's what happens when you don't stick together!' called out a sheep from the back. 'But lads,' continued Flossie,'actually if you could just give me a bit more room, thank you. Lads, they just imagined it, they must have!' 'Not sure the lads feel reassured,' added Lefty. 'Aye!' called out another sheep,'and if there's no such thing...how comes Lefty's suddenly got that scar on his face?' Flossie looked dumbfounded. 'Suddenly got that scar on his face?!?' he exclaimed,'but he's had it for years now! You know he has! As I recall it got it while we were trying to board that ship full of scythes....we really should have done more research before attempting that.' 'No, no,' repli...

'And don't you go thinking that I've forgotten what you did!' continued Captain Bill. 'You deliberately threw me out of that balloon! You could have killed me! Once we're out of all this there's going to have to be a pretty fare reckoning up...and don't you think that you can just worm your way back into my favour by doing something brave at the last moment because it won't work!' 'Why are you talking to the 'edge?' asked Camille. 'I am not talking to 'the 'edge'' replied Captain Bill,'I am talking to Cyril.' 'But 'e's on the other side of the field!' said Camille. Captain Bill looked across to the other side of the field. Cyril gave him a wave. '...........................................I was rehearsing.' said Captain Bill. Camille stared at Captain Bill. 'OK!' she said,'well when you 'ave finished with your 'rehearsing', Norma was 'oping that yo...

The 3 pirate sheep sat quietly beneath the balloon. They would have been happier if there had been more of them or possibly the whole flock but Flossie had promised them it would be OK. And it should have been. Until the arrival of...... 'Helloooooooo!' said Annie. The sheep looked at each other and then nodded towards Annie. 'That's a very nice looking balloon you're guarding,' continued Annie. And again the sheep nodded in response. 'Are you...on your own?' asked one of the sheep. Annie looked around her. 'I think so,' she replied,'unless there's a Pengiming hiding in my disguise!' and her gave her head a little shake to see if anything fell out. 'Right,' said one of the sheep, who began to look a little nervous,'and you're not bothered about that?....being on your own.' 'Hmmmmmmmmmmm?' said Annie,'I suppose not, it happens quite a lot. I should think the only things that I'm afraid of wou...

Morning all! Your Captain speaking... I knew she'd want to get things off her horns! What is it with Bertha? Jealousy? I suppose we can't all be gifted with the qualities of top notch decision making. Still now I've cleared the air we should be able to move forward in a spirit of friendliness and cooperation...or as much as Bertha can muster. Norma has suggested that we lay low until tonight and then make our way back out via Cyril (if you see what I mean) for a rendezvous with the others and I'm pleased to say that that turns out to be exactly the same as my idea. It also has the advantage of being nice and simple without the need of gliders and suchlike. Which means I've got just enough time to sort out one other problem that's being bothering me... Well enjoy your day! Captain Bill

'But you could have just flown out!!!' mooed Bertha. 'Well, I suppose I should have expected this!' replied Captain Bill. 'It's just typical! You do your best in the heat of the moment, making life or death decisions, and then people wander along later and take it upon themselves to pick you up on some minor weak point!' 'But you were here for over a week!'exclaimed Bertha. 'You had a glider! At the top of, what Camille has kindly pointed out, was a very steep 'ill and all you managed to do was break a wing off of it!' 'Bit of glue,' replied Captain Bill,'soon have it fixed.' 'Arrrgggghhhh!' screamed Bertha, who then stampeded off to another part of the field. 'Didn't have an answer to that did you!' called out Captain Bill. 'Do you two think that you could try to keep your voices down?' asked Norma. 'We've been very lucky to get away with this so far. We're supposed to be ...

'...and so that's why I would never recommend thinking of two things in succession without having a lay down in first.' said Annie, 'Now who wants more trifle?' A herd of little hooves shot into the air and Annie ladled out further, extra large, helpings of strawberry, raspbleberry and mint trifle. 'Right,' said Annie,'by the way you don't have to have a sleepy Pengiming in the trifle bowl, but if you do it won't in any way impair the flavour.' At this point Geraldine gave a gentle wave of one of her feet and Annie took the opportunity to stick a strawberry on the end of her beak. 'Sooooooooooo,' she continued,'so far we've talked about why the world can be proved to be cake shaped and why it's never a good idea to get out of bed before 11 o'clock in the morning, which means there's just time for me to tell you about why trees secretly want to turn pink with spots on and then after that we'll all h...

'Right lads, lads a bit of room please, if you could?' asked Flossie. 'Afraid the lads are a bit spooked!' said Lefty. 'It was a very loud noise!' called out a voice from the back. 'True,' said Flossie,'still we're made of sterner stuff than that me lucky lads!' And there was a general bleating from the flock. 'We're with you all the way!' said Lefty. 'Good, good,' replied Flossie,'now I'll tell you what we'll do. I'll take a few of us and go around the other side, Lefty you can take another group back the other way and Hooky can stay here with the rest.' But at this there was a muttering and grumbling. 'We'd rather not,' said Lefty,'...if you don't mind?' 'But we need to spread out and search the area! bleated Flossie. 'Still,'replied Lefty,'I think the lads would prefer it if we stayed together.....as a flock like....we can still do the searching though....

In the early hours of the morning, with dawn fast approaching, old friends had met, hugs had been exchanged and where appropriate kisses on both cheeks had been administered. 'Sorry it took us so long!' said Norma. 'Well we'll not say any more about that for the moment,' replied Captain Bill. 'But WE'RE HERE NOW!' pointed out Bertha. 'And I for one am most relieved,' mooed Camille. 'So now to get you out,' said Norma,'so if you could just gather together your little students?' 'Well....' replied Camille,'actually now you mention it, that might be a bit difficult....' '.....because they are already on the other side of the hedge!' said Captain Bill with a flourish. 'Right,' said Norma. 'Interesting,' said Bertha. 'It was all my idea. I can show you how I did it if you like?' continued Captain Bill,'that's surprised you hasn't it!' 'That's one way of putting ...

WHOOOOOSSSHHHH! Went a little, hay wrapped, Jean Claude into the night. 'That's the last one safely over the hedge!' mooed Captain Bill,'I told you it would work, it's a perfect seesaw! Right, pull on the rope.' So Camille pulled on the rope and the glider tilted back towards her. 'You know,'said Camille,'I'm not going to feel 'appy about this until I know that none of them 'ave been splattified!' 'They'll be fine!' replied Captain Bill.'Your turn now. Climb on!' Slowly, hesitantly, Camille placed herself onto the end of the wing of the glider. 'Ready?' asked Captain Bill. 'Well not really!' replied Camille. 'Too late!' said Captain Bill and he pushed a bale of hay onto the other wing. But nothing happened. 'Might need one more,' whispered Captain Bill and he pushed a second bale on...but again nothing happened. 'Just one more,' he said and, after carefully selecting a part...

It was, not for the first time in recent episodes, rather late at night. Norma looked at Horace, Horace looked at Bertha, Bertha's tail waved a bit. 'All clear!' whispered Horace. Norma herded across to Cyril. 'All clear!' she mooed. And Cyril resumed eating. 'How's it going?' asked Norma after a while. Cyril paused. 'It's not bad,' he replied,'a good solid texture with a nice lemony after taste that really stimulates the palette. I'd prefer a little more salt with it and for an accompanying wine I'd suggest something dry like a '93.' 'Right,' said Norma,'.....actually I meant how far through it are you? Sorry I should have made that clear.' 'About half way,' replied Cyril. 'Great!' said Norma. 'WOOOOSH!' went a sound in the night. 'I wish we knew what was causing that!' said Norma,'that's the 3rd time it's happened!' 'Well it's not me!' said C...

Hellllllloooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! I am just soooooooooooooooo excited!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Norma (my best friend) asked me if I could paint my chum Mr Sir Cyril of Heroicshire and I thought why should I let a complete lack of fine art artistic training get in the way??? Pass the crayons and stand well back! But then she explained that she meant actually 'paint Cyril'!!!!!!!! For a moment I thought maybe this was a dream, because I have some pretty entertaining dreams, but it turned out to be a real!!! So I've got a big brush and Geraldine (she's a Pengiming) is helping with a bit of spraying. I've not had this much fun since Mr Sir Cyril and myself tried to eat an entire island made out of madeira cake...possibly that may have been a dream.....whatever! Anyhowthings, I'd better be getting a move on, Byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee Annie PS Annie does not condone the painting of friends and would not in any way suggest that you should do so....buuuuu...

Camille took a good, long, hard look at the diagram that was labelled MK V Top Secret Escape Plan. 'Brilliant isn't it!' mooed Captain Bill. 'Welllllll,' replied Camille,'like what definition of brilliant are you using?' 'The regular one!' replied Captain Bill,' you know I could kick myself for not thinking of it sooner. I mean there I was struggling, for a bit, for an idea and then suddenly it came to me! Jean Claude's glider I thought! Why not use that I thought! It's just sitting there. It'll be perfect for getting us over that hedge!' 'Well I 'ate to drizzle on your parade,' said Camille,'but I can think of one pretty good reason!' 'What's that?' asked Captain Bill. 'Death!' replied Camille. 'DEATH?' exclaimed Captain Bill. 'Indeed,' replied Camille,'because right now I'm 'aving this vision of me saying, " 'Ello Mr and Mrs Jean Claude, sorry we...

In the cool still of the night four friends huddled close under the base of a large sign deep in hushed conversation. 'But I couldn't find any willow so I used hazel instead but Norma, my best friend, told me to stop after half an hour!' 'Well, that'll be enough to be going on with,' replied Cyril. 'Excuse me!' interrupted Norma,'I really don't think that the best way to spend our time tonight is in discussing ways of poking Horace with a stick!' 'Please yourself!' replied Cyril. 'So if we might move on to the rescue of Ms Camille and her little students,' suggested Norma. 'In the big field, with the high hedge, at the top of the hill,' replied Cyril. 'Guards?' asked Norma. '14,' replied Cyril. 'Hmmm, that's a lot!' said Norma. 'Not really,' replied Cyril,'they're all on the gate.' 'All of them?' questioned Norma. 'That's sheep for you!' said Cyril. ...

'OW!' said Horace. 'Annie!' said Norma. 'OW!' said Horace. 'Yes?' said Annie. 'OW!' said Horace. Did Cyril tell you to do that?' asked Norma. 'Mr Sir Cyril,' corrected Annie. 'OW!' said Horace. 'Well if you could stop doing it please!' said Norma. So Annie put down the stick. 'So apart from telling you to poke Horace with a stick, what else did Cyril say?' Annie thought for a while. Then a while longer. Then it got dark. 'There was a bit about the other one,' said Annie the next morning. 'Captain Bill?' asked Norma. 'The annoying one,' said Annie. 'What about him?' asked Norma. 'Cyril said.....if you see him.....poke him with a stick!' said Annie with an air of triumph. 'I knew I should have taken the risk and gone myself!' said Bertha. 'Oh! And he gave me this,' added Annie and from under her disguise she produced a note and gave it to Norma. 'Meet m...

'And so I'd suggest that we just pass it off as part of some fiendish plan,' suggested Flossie. From the flock came murmurings and mutterings of displeasure. 'Well they won't allow us the renew the insurance on the island without it!' said Flossie. And so, reluctantly, the flock voted in favour. 'Right,' continued Flossie,'if we can now proceed with the meeting? Now as Lefty has already explained to you, I'm not at all happy about the way things went. 18 months in the planning and it all fell apart quicker than that consignment of flat packed furniture that we plundered!' 'We should have read the instructions!' called out a sheep from the back, but Flossie ignored him. 'So what we need to do now,' he went on,'is too decide what to do with the hostages?' Lefty was just about to raise a hoof when a bizarre looking sheep beat him to it. ''Excuse me!' it said,'I wonder if you could point me in the direc...

OK! Well like, first of all I 'ave to say I'm as surprised as you are that I'm 'ere! Capitaine Bill (we 'ad a bit of an argument, 'e says that's 'ow it's pronounced) was supposed to be 'aving a chat with you but then 'e said that 'is whole brain was 'aving to be devoted to the top class escape which 'e is organising. So 'ere I am! Now apparently, according to the notes I've been given, at this point it is standard procedure to 'waffle for a bit'. What is this 'waffle for a bit?????' I don't know!!! Still anyway, myself and ma little students just want to say that we're fine despite the 'ole kidnapped by pirate sheep business and if Etienne's mum is reading this he's sorry about not being 'ome for 'is tea and 'e got a gold star for 'is 'omework. Right, I'm not going to write anymore anyway now because I fully expect by tomorrow morning we will 'ave b...

The small group of friends peeked out from around the bushes and trees and looked at the sight below them. 'Yes!' said Norma,'this is much more like the sort of thing that I had in mind!' 'I think we can safely say this is the right island,' added Bertha. 'Pretty sure we can!' agreed Norma. 'But look, I say, isn't it a bit obvious them having a big sign like that?' said Horace. 'True,' replied Norma,'but I can only assume that it's all a part of some fiendish plan.' 'Right,'said Bertha,' well now we know that we're in the right place, the next thing to do is to make contact again with Cyril and Captain Bill.' 'For which we will need a top agent.' said Norma. 'I'm afraid that my horn makes me a bit of a give away for that sort of thing,' said Bertha. 'And I don't think you should go,' said Horace to Norma,'after all.....you're...erm.....sort of in charge.' ...

You've been pining for him! He's risking life and hoof even as he speaks! But he's here for you.... It'ssssssssssssss CYRILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!! Morning Fluffies, Are you well? Things must be looking up a bit, after all, you're looking at a picture of me! Do you like the tail? I think it adds a certain something and confirms, if confirmation were needed, that even heavily disguised mon handsomenessnus shines through! Now last time we met I was throwing Captain Bill off a balloon. No doubt you were thinking that, what with old eyepatch about to be rumbled, that your hero saved the day by spotting a hayrick and aiming his leader in that general direction and indeed I can now confirm that at least a part of that was correct. So what, I hear you ask, is life like as a pirate? Not bad at all comes my reply! 3 square meals a day, 15 triangular ones and an octagonal snackette just before lights out AND a free designer cutlass!!! I could take to it, I really co...

'Which was when I realised,' continued Captain Bill, 'that by taking the books apart and then by sticking the pages back together I could model a highly realistic representation of one of the pirate sheep.' Camille and her little students all leaned forward for a better view of the 'highly realistic representation'. 'OK!' said Camille,'....and then?' 'Well,' replied Captain Bill,'by making the model hollow we can climb inside and then walk out past the guards!' 'You know,' said Camille,'I always 'ave a policy of telling ma little students the truth....so I 'ave to say....I'm just a bit disappointed!' 'Right,' said Captain Bill. 'Actually,' continued Camille,'when I say a bit, I mean very, as in completely....like let's be frank 'ere, I cannot remember the last time I was quite so disappointed, in fact I wouldn't be surprised if some of ma students became tr...

'So then we went back for a 3rd time,' said Horace. 'And still nothing?' asked Norma. 'Well, I had an idea for a sonnet!' replied Horace. 'No, no!' said Norma,'I meant still no sign of any pirate sheep?' 'Not one!' mooed Horace. 'Very odd!' said Norma. 'Perhaps they've burrowed?' suggested Bertha. 'I'm not sure sheep do that,' replied Norma,'not even pirate ones.' 'And there was no sign of Ms Camille or Cyril or anyone else,' added Horace. 'I just don't get it!' said Norma,'we've scoured the entire island and there's not a sign of life!' 'It's a pity we couldn't ask someone,' said Bertha. 'We could ask those people,' called out Annie. 'Which people?' asked Bertha. 'The people on the other island,' replied Annie. 'Other island!?!' said Bertha, Norma and Horace. 'The one with the nice pirate flag flying over it,...

'And so,' continued Camille,'I managed to persuade their ruthless pirate leader that it would be in everyones interest for ma little students to continue some sort of rudimentary education.' 'Well, well done you!' replied Captain Bill. 'Indeed,' said Camille,'but unfortunately the only books I 'ad with me were for some, how you say, light 'oliday reading.' And Camille passed Captain Bill two hardbacked books. ''Digging tunnels for pleasure and profit',' read out Captain Bill from the cover of the 1st book. 'Yes,' replied Camille,'Blanche and Alice have been making what they can of it but without heavy lifting equipment and a decent oxygen supply they 'ave found it difficult to get beyond about 900m in any given direction!' 'Still, commendable effort!' said Captain Bill,'and the other book?' ''My First Glider',' replied Camille,'see 'ere how Jean Claude ha...

'Might, mo mar mo guwd!' said Norma. 'Mot?' asked Bertha. Norma pushed up her balaclava helmet. 'I said, so far so good! We seem to have got ashore without anyone seeing us!' 'Meximent!' mooed Bertha. 'I now propose that we move into phase 2,' continued Norma,'Red 3 and Red 4 will move inland and establish a forward observation post while the rest of us make a nice pot of tea.' 'Mho's Med More amain?' asked Horace. 'You are!' replied Norma,'and Geraldine is Red 4.' 'MOK!' said Horace,'and mot's Mannie?' 'Hungry!' said Annie. 'Well maybe we should all have another slice of cake before anything else?' suggested Norma. And so by general agreement that's what they did. But it was only a thin slice. And then they got straight on with things...no really!

'And so by the time I 'ad realised what was going on we 'ad already been kidnappified!' said Camille. Right!' said Captain Bill. 'Of course ma little students were scared out of their little 'ides, but I said 'fear not!' because I was quite certain that as soon as 'e understood what 'ad happened the brave Capitaine Bile and 'is crew of equally brave, although slightly bizarre, individuals would rush themselves to our rescue!' 'Indeed!' mooed Capitaine Bile. 'And 'ere you are!' exclaimed Camille.'Dropping from the sky in the middle of the night in an act of bravery so brave that even a pretty brave person would 'ave to think very carefully before doing it!' 'Well!' said Captain Bill. 'No!' interrupted Camille,'I won't 'ave none of that false modesty for which you types are so renowned. Clearly it is all part of a plan so clever that it is way beyond even me, a fully...

'Nasty Pirate Sheep infested island approaching!' called out Bertha. 'Positions everyone!' mooed Norma. And everyone moved up next to the ropes that were suspending the Mootilus under the balloon. 'Wait for Geraldine's signal,' said Norma. Geraldine hopped up onto the hat boxes at the stern of the ship and peered overboard for a while, then she looked up at the balloon, then back at the Ocean........finally, suddenly, she jumped into the air and flapped her little wings. 'NOW!' mooed Norma. And the air was filled with the sound of teeth biting through ropes. The balloon floated free and the Mootilus, with a splash, landed in the sea. 'Perfect!' said Bertha. And the crew sat for a while and watched the balloon drift away. 'Bye, bye Mr Balloon!' mooed Annie. 'It's a shame to see it go,' said Norma,'but I'm sure they would have spotted us if we'd tried to land in it.' 'So,' asked Bertha,'is e...